They're Watching Page #2

GREG:
Not cool, man.

Out of curiosity,

what the starting salary

for the boss's niece is.

GREG:
Alex!

What? Dude.

Be cool, please,

all right?

Don't go all special

forces on me.

We're not

in Afghanistan, man.

SARAH:
Afghanistan...

Greg, did you fight

in Afghanistan?

Uh, no, the only thing

that man shot in Afghanistan

was the news.

What?

Yeah, okay, I'm

goin' on a Doina run.

What was that about?

GREG:
Nothing, I just, uh...

I was an embedded

cameraman in Afghanistan.

It's boring, I just don't

wanna talk about it.

Look at this, unbelievable.

Oh, my gosh.

GREG:
What?

Okay, it's fine.

There's a big bug.

(GREG CHUCKLES)

It's kind of cute,

it's fine.

This seems

dramatically unsafe.

GREG:
Right?

Where's, like, Ralph Nader

when you need him?

Who?

ALEX:
They're

sold out of Doina.

What kind of hick,

backwater gas station

sells out of Doina?

What is the point

of a gas station

if it does not have Doina

is what I wanna know.

How long is it gonna take us

to get to Pavlovka?

GREG:
You in a

hurry or something?

Yeah, doesn't everybody dream

of being a production slave?

GREG:
Swear to God, Kate

is gonna slap that smile

off your face so fast,

you have no idea.

Oh, God, how much

you wanna bet?

Twenty dollars,

she's already pissed

that we're late.

She's not gonna be

pissed at us. She took

an earlier flight.

She can't be mad

at us for that.

You keep tellin' yourself that

while you're cryin' yourself

to sleep at night.

Hold on, guys,

world's biggest pothole.

(CAR RUMBLES)

GREG:
Careful, man,

she's sleeping.

ALEX:
"Be careful..."

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Is the princess sleeping?

Then I'll just,

I'll just make sure

there's no more potholes

in the roads.

ALEX:
Beautiful Moldova!

ALEX:
The poorest

country in all of Europe.

The average Moldovian

believes in vampires,

lives in a tin shed,

apparently,

and has an average

of four teeth.

You are mean.

ALEX:
Moldovanites don't just

enjoy record-setting rates

of tuberculosis, they're also

the world's heaviest drinkers,

pounding back more than eight

gallons of alcohol per year.

That's six times

the world's average.

Just drivin'

through a shitty town

In a shitty van

You can get in on

this if you want.

GREG:
Uh, but, what is the

Pavlovkan national anthem.

Do we have one?

That is the Pavlovkan

national anthem.

(GREG LAUGHING)

I was just singing it,

that's that thing.

GREG:
Everything is

brown in Pavlovka

ALEX:
Oh, my God, Greg,

look, it's your mom.

GREG:
You f***in' a**hole.

(LAUGHING)

ALEX:
Would it be,

would it be awkward

if I hit on your mom?

ALEX:
Here's the local

Stalin impersonator.

SARAH:
This is like

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