The Young Offenders Page #5

most of our meals end.

Oh.

Oh!

There are two things

you need for a good adventure -

a treasure map and someone

dumb enough to go with ya.

- Oi, kid!

- Now Jock had both.

- Didn't think you'd come.

- F***ing course I'd come.

Thanks, boy.

Take a look around you.

When we get back,

this is gonna be ours.

- We own this place.

- 7 million euros.

- 7 million euros.

- What are we gonna do with it?

- Like, invest it in stuff.

- Invest the money?

- In a business or something.

- We won't think about that now.

Close your eyes. Got a surprise.

Alright.

What is it, Jock?

One second.

OK, open 'em.

Lethal, isn't it?

That's a girl's bike.

No, it's not. It's a cruiser.

It's a cruiser

with flowers on it.

Jock could convince you

that his sh*t tasted beautiful

if he wanted to.

I was around town for ages

looking for the perfect bike.

You ring that and I come to you.

It's got the fanny dip thing.

I don't want that.

Fanny dip thing, boy.

It's got three gears.

I thought I'd give this to you.

You don't have bike miles.

Jesus. Talk about

lack of appreciation.

I do appreciate it, boy.

No, seriously.

Fair play to ya.

Seriously,

I didn't realise it was good.

I was just judging it

by its colour.

- Did you get the same bike?

- Nah, slightly different.

Ooh!

It's slightly different alright.

Listen to this.

Wasn't even locked.

D*ckhead.

As we headed out of the city,

we both knew that

we were never coming back.

Well, emotionally that is,

anyway.

We were gonna change, you know?

Grow up.

Learn how to be men.

That's a good strong bridge.

And stop doing childish things.

Imagine it.

61 bales of cocaine

washing up on the shore.

All we had to do

was find one of them.

Nothin' was gonna stop us.

My boys are killing me. I don't

think I can go any further.

Yeah, we're only in Bandon.

Not even 20 miles

outside the city, like.

Here, I got you this

to cool you down.

When an icepack is unavailable,

you gotta improvise.

Jesus, boy.

That's gonna be sticky.

I don't care.

That's nice now.

That's all that matters.

Stop, stop.

- Stop. Stop. Stop.

- What's wrong with ya?

God, my balls are sticking

to the inside of my leg.

- Didn't I warn ya?

- How much further do we have?

- About 50 miles. Yes!

- Are you serious?

I can't pedal like this

for 50 miles.

What are you getting angry at me

for, boy? It's your own fault.

I need to wash me plums off,

boy. Can we go for a swim?

Grand, alright.

We're literally in.

- Wash our balls, and we're gone.

- Alright.

Conor.

You busy?

I brought you some tea.

Sorry about last night.

Conor?

Conor?

Here, these jocks

are f***ing terrible, boy.

They strangle my balls.

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