The Young Offenders Page #4

down to West Cork

"to find a bale of cocaine."

She thinks I'm stupid enough

as it is.

Boy, this is far more important

than your mam's gammy tooth.

This is monumental.

This could be

the difference between

us having an amazing life

or us having a really sh*t one.

I'm going either way.

If you wanna come, meet me at

the docks at six in the morning.

Did you ever get

an annoying splinter

in your finger?

The more you try and get it

out, the deeper it gets?

Well, Healy's the kind of guy

who'll cut off his own finger

just to teach

that splinter a lesson.

Unlocked bikes, trackers.

D'you know how much sh*t

we're getting because of this?

Stealing is stealing.

They're using trackers

on bikes in London.

Oh, we're London Met now,

are we?

Did you forget you're in Cork?

I took you off bike duty

three months ago.

Yeah, but Fake Billy

is still on the rampage

and it's only gonna get worse.

Starts off with a bike,

then a car, then a bus.

You gotta stop 'em

when they're young.

If that was the train

of thought, boy,

the thing after that would be

a tank, then a jumbo jet.

Now you see what

I'm talking about.

You think I give a sh*t

about Fake Billy stealing bikes?

Don't look like you give a sh*t

about anything except chocolate.

Be very f***ing careful now,

kid. Very careful.

What's worrying me at the moment

is I've cells for a bike thief

you put in there, and murder's

on a waiting list to get in.

Enough with

the f***ing bicycles.

You're a bit of a loner, Healy.

It's not healthy.

Do you want me to ask the lads

to take you out for drinks?

Maybe hook you up with somebody?

Would you like that?

If you wanna catch a big

fish, you gotta drop a big hook

right where he likes to feed.

Mam cooks like she hates food.

And the person

she's cooking it for.

What's wrong with ya?

Did you have this for dinner?

- Yeah, why?

- You enjoyed it?

It's dry, like.

Well, put some ketchup on it.

Jesus Christ.

Aren't you lucky I'm here

to cook your dry Kiev.

What would you do

if I wasn't around?

Wouldn't even know

how a microwave works.

- Eat takeaway.

- How you gonna pay for that?

Get a job.

Are you taking the piss?

Last I heard you were thinking

of quitting school.

- Yeah, I am quitting school.

- Yeah. 'Cause Jock is, is he?

Who's gonna hire you

without a leaving cert?

Dunno, like. Work on a trade

or be a builder or something.

Oh, yeah.

Like your old man, is it?

That turned out well, didn't it?

- F***'s sake.

- Hang on, Mam.

No-one's gonna give you a job.

Only me.

I'm even thinking of firing you,

you're so f***ing useless.

- Hey, clear that up.

- F*** off!

F***'s sake.

And that's how

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