The World According to Garp Page #2

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Now come on, Pooh. Smile.

This picture is going

to all our friends this year.

So smile and look merry.

Pooh, would you smile, damn it?

If you don't smile,

you'll never get a husband.

Damn it.

- My son is not dog food, goddamn it!

- Calm down, Jenny.

- Bonkers just got a little excited.

- Fine. I'm a little excited, too!

Where is Bonkers?

- What for?

- I'll want to take him and give him a shot.

- What for?

- So he won't bite people anymore.

- A shot'll do that?

- Sure it will. He'll be dead.

- You can't be serious!

- You bet your fat ass I am!

I'm warning you:
either tie him up,

make him behave...

...or I'll make him dead as a doornail.

Come on, Garp.

- Good afternoon, Dean Blodger.

- Good afternoon, Jenny. Hello there, Garp.

Hello, Dean.

I understand

you'll be starting classes next semester.

We're on our way now

to enter him in a sport.

Really? What will you be going out for?

- Basketball.

- I don't know.

I'm sure you'll do splendidly.

Good luck to you!

Thank you very much.

- Why can't I decide what sport to take?

- Because you're too young.

I've looked into them all.

Basketball is the best.

I'm too short for basketball.

Garp, you want to play?

- Yes, I do.

- No, you don't.

That Cushie could use a good sport herself.

- Over here, let's go!

- Hit the rebound!

Okay, let's get back on defense!

Let's go, set up number four!

Let's go, Chris. Set up on the base line.

- Give and go, guys. Move it up.

- Come on, Chris. Let's go! Weak side!

Come on, Danny, we got them.

- Watch him!

- Take the shot!

Swish! Nice shot!

All right, same thing! Bottom man down!

Let's go. Ready?

Ten seconds!

Hold him!

Five!

Four! Three! Two!

Okay, gentlemen, that's it.

Hit the showers.

Hey, Garp, how are you doing?

Why can't basketball players father a child?

Because they're ugly.

No, because they dribble

before they shoot.

- What's the definition of a brassiere?

- I don't know, what?

It's an over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder.

- And what's the definition of a girdle?

- I don't know.

It's a lower-decker-pecker-checker.

My father wore a helmet. He was a flyer.

- Can you fly?

- No.

Garp?

- Jesus Christ!

- What's she doing here?

- Spare me your modesty.

- Why can't Santa Claus father a child?

Because he comes down a chimney.

Garp, what are you doing in here?

We've got a big meeting tomorrow,

so no beating the meat tonight!

- I want to do what they do.

- Animals!

Garp?

Mom!

Garp?

Mom, help me!

Help! Mom, help!

- Dean Blodger!

- Who's on the roof?

I'm afraid!

Garp, I'm here.

I'm going to come up and get you.

Stay very still.

Hold tight. It's all right.

Get your mattresses!

Something to cushion the fall!

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