The Wipers Times Page #3

Yes, I guess you are right.

We must be responsible.

As will be made

clear in my editorial.

You haven't written an editorial.

How's your shorthand? Non-existent.

Good. Take this down.

Mm-hm? Editorial.

Hmm, excellent.

Having managed to pick up a printing

press, slightly soiled,

at a very reasonable price,

we have decided to produce a paper.

There is much

we would like to say in it,

but the shadows of censorship

enveloping us,

cause us to refer to the war that we

hear is taking place in Europe...

Careful.

..in a cautious manner.

We apologise for any shortcomings

in production of our paper...

on account of...

Editorial inexperience?

Quite so.

We hope to publish The Times weekly,

despite the attentions of Messrs Hun

and co.

Our local rivals. Excellent!

And we take this opportunity

of stating that we accept

no responsibility for the views

expressed. We?

Yes. And we disassociate

ourselves from any

statements in the advertisements.

Well, that bit's true.

There are no advertisements.

No? Why Not?

There's a problem with potential

advertisers such as theatres,

restaurants, hotels,

small businesses et cetera...

Well, what's the problem?

There aren't any.

They've all been blown to buggery.

Is that anywhere near Poperinghe?

No, it's not. And you didn't hear

that, Sergeant, did you?

No, sir, but it was most amusing.

Harris, you're our expert.

We can't be a proper newspaper

without advertisements, can we?

No, sir,

that's what the front page is for.

So what do we do?

Taxi! Taxi! I say, Taxi!

'Are you having trouble getting

home?

'Not any more, with our fleet

of handsomely-appointed taxicabs.'

But how will I recognise your taxis?

'Easy, they have a red cross

painted on each side.'

'Is your friend a soldier?

'Do you know what he wants?

No? We do.

'Send him one of our latest improved

combination umbrella

'and wire cutter.

'No more nasty colds caught

when cutting the wire.

'He will be absolutely delighted with

the combination umbrella

'and wire cutter.

'Just 15 francs.

'Quite right, Miss.

'Now you can rest assured

your soldier friend will stay fit

'and healthy out in no man's land.'

'Calling all harassed subalterns.'

Who? Me?

'Yes, you. Is your life miserable?

'Do you hate your company commander?'

Uh.

'Of course you do.

'Then why not buy him one of our

patent "tip me up" duckboards?'

But how does the "tip me

up" duckboard work?

'You just get your company commander

on the end...

'and the duckboard does the rest.

'Every time a blighty!

'That's our promise. Remember...

'if once he steps onto the end,

'to take a month his face to mend.'

Thank you, "tip me up" duckboard.

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