The Wipers Times Page #2

except with jokes. Mm-hm.

So what are we actually going

to write about?

Damn you, Fritz.

I can't hear myself think.

Put on The Bing Boys would you, Jack?

So will The Wipers Times address

the big questions of the war?

Certainly. And how will we do that?

I suggest we do so just by writing

down any old thing that

comes into our heads.

Trial page proof, sir.

Looks pretty good,

I must say myself.

Who do I show it to, sir?

Who's the editor?

Well, as senior officer, I am, of

course, the editor.

I will need a sub-editor.

Any volunteers? Jack?

Ugh. Bad grammar is simply something

I will not put up with.

Up with which you simply

will not put.

All right, Jack, the job's yours.

Only drawback, sir, is that we're

short of Ys and Es.

Well, it's just as well we're not

based anywhere called Ypres then.

Ah. Now, sir, what about some copy?

Dammit, Harris,

haven't you heard of writer's block?

Only every day, sir, come deadline

time for the newspaper.

Very well, Harris.

But you are very annoying.

Very good, sir.

You know he's right, Fred.

Et tu, Pearson?

I'm going

to hold this pencil...

and see what happens.

Something's bound to turn up.

You are an incorrigible optimist.

Optimism.

Well, there's a dangerous thing...

particularly in a war.

Do you suffer from optimism?

Men! Do you suffer from optimism,

but fail to recognise

the tell-tale signs?

Many do.

Is it serious, Doctor?

I just need you to answer a few

simple questions.

Do you sometimes wake up

in the morning feeling that all is

going well for the Allies?

Yes, Doctor.

Do you sometimes think that the

war will be over,

within the next 12 months?

Absolutely, Doctor.

Do you consider that our leaders

are competent to conduct the war

to a successful issue?

I should say so, Doctor.

Oh, dear. This is the worst case

of cheerfulness I've encountered.

Oh, Good. No. It's terrible.

But don't worry.

I promise I can cure

you of optimism within two days

and effectively eradicate all

traces of it from your system.

Really, Doctor?

And how are you going to do that?

I'm writing something for you now,

which should do the trick.

Is it a prescription, Doctor?

No. It's your orders.

I'm sending you to the front line.

Thank you, Doctor.

Not sure about this

piece about optimism.

Are you questioning

the judgment of a superior officer?

Er, yes. Good.

So as a superior officer, of course,

I shall ignore you.

Seriously, do you not think it's

gone a little bit too far?

How can you accuse me of going too

far - when the entire

24th Division has gone precisely ten

yards in the last six months?

And that was sideways. I'm just

saying we have to be careful.

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