The Wheeler Dealers Page #3

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SIX-CENT BID.

YOU MEAN WE HAVEN'T UNLOADED

THAT YET?

WELL, IT TAKE'S A WHILE TO

UNLOAD THE REAL DOGS, BULLARD.

MY BOY, SOMEWHERE IN

THIS VAST, VERDANT,

EVER-GROWING NATION OF OURS

MUST BE SOME PEOPLE

STUPID ENOUGH:

TO BUY GREAT EASTERN

OFFSHORE OIL.

FIND THEM.

YES, SIR.

HERE'S ANOTHER REAL DOG,

BULLARD --

UNIVERSAL WIDGET.

DOESN'T SAY WHEN OSGOOD

BOUGHT IT.

DOESN'T SAY FOR HOW MUCH.

WE'VE HAD IT FOR A LONG TIME.

I-I CAN'T SEEM TO FIND OU ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

WELL, WRITE IT UP

IN OUR NEXT STOCK LETTER.

POINT OUT THAT INDUSTRY

IS GROWING:

INCREASINGLY:

WIDGET-CONSCIOUS.

WHAT IS A WIDGET, BULLARD?

I DON'T KNOW.

ASK INDUSTRY.

HERE'S A HAPPIER ITEM.

REACTOR ENGINES.

HE BOUGHT IT FOR FIVE CENTS

SIX YEARS AGO,

SOLD IT YESTERDAY

FOR $61.

[ CHUCKLES ] $61, EH?

THAT SHREWD OLD FOX.

WELL, THAT'S THE LIST.

WE'RE STILL IN THE RED WHILE

EVERYONE ELSE IS CLEANING UP.

ECONOMY --

THAT'S THE ANSWER.

WE JUST GOT TO TRIM OFF

SOME OF THE FAT.

NO MORE LONG-DISTANCE

PHONE CALLS.

TELL YOUR PALS AT THE CLUB

TO PICK UP SOME LUNCHEON CHECKS.

LAST MAN OUT AT NIGH HAS TO MAKE SURE

THAT HE TURNS OU ALL THE LIGHTS.

CANCEL THE LINEN SERVICE.

WE'LL GET PAPER TOWELS --

YOU KNOW, THE KIND THAT COME OU ONE SHEET AT A TIME.

TELL THE MEN TO BLOT,

NOT RUB.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT,

BULLARD.

AND WE'VE GOT TO

LET SOMEBODY GO.

BUT WE NEED EVERYBODY,

BULLARD.

YOU NEVER NEED EVERYBODY.

BUT IF WE LET ANY OF THE BOYS

GO, THERE'LL BE TALK.

RIGHT, IF WE LE ANY OF THE BOYS GO.

BUT, UH,

WHAT ABOUT OUR GIRL?

WELL, THE GIRL SEEMS TO BE

DOING PRETTY WELL --

A LOT OF BRIGHT IDEAS,

A LOT OF ENERGY.

IT'S KIND OF UNUSUAL

AROUND HERE.

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

THAT'S ONE WAY WE CAN CU EXPENSES WITHOUT CAUSING TALK.

BESIDES, EVERYBODY KNOWS

THAT TAKING ON THAT GIRL

WAS JUST AN EXPERIMENT.

WE'VE GOT TO HAVE A REASON.

LET HER TRY MOVING

ONE OF THOSE DOGS,

LIKE THAT WIDGET THING,

FOR INSTANCE.

THERE'S YOUR REASON.

WHERE'S SHE GOING?

HER LUNCH CLUB, I THINK.

WOMEN SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED

TO HAVE LUNCH CLUB.

WE GOT TO KEEP THEM OFF BALANCE,

DISORGANIZED,

CLAWING AND SCRATCHING

AT EACH OTHER.

OTHERWISE, THEY MIGHT TURN ON US

LIKE MAD DOGS.

AND SO YOU SEE, LADIES,

MANY THINGS ARE MADE OF STEEL --

BRIGHT, SHINING, FAITHFUL STEEL

THAT YOU USE IN YOUR KITCHENS

AT HOME.

[ CHUCKLES ]

NOW, I WANT TO LEAVE YOU

WITH AN INTERESTING STATISTIC

CONCERNING A SMALL THING OF

SPECIAL IMPORTANCE TO WOMEN --

THE BOBBY PIN.

[ LAUGHS ]

[ GROANING ]

NOW, THE VALUE

OF THE AMOUNT OF STEEL

THAT GOES INTO:

ONE YEAR'S PRODUCTION

OF THE AMERICAN BOBBY PIN

IS GREATER:

THAN THE NATIONAL INCOME

OF MANY FAR EASTERN

AND SOUTH AMERICAN NATIONS.

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