The War on Flight Attendants Page #2

Genre: Comedy
315 Views


So I gave her the pillow. I just wanted it to be over. There’s no arguing with unearned authority. So I gave her the pillow and it was over. I put my sleep mask on and it was over… for about 3 seconds.

Cause I put my sleep mask on and she shook me, which is assault, but she shook me and said “Sir, you’re going to need to take that sleep mask off.”

And I lost. My. sh*t. “ARE YOU KIDDING ME!” I was like, “Are people going to have a problem getting by this also?”

And she said “Well what happens if we get in a plane crash and you have to take it off? What will you do?

I said, “I’ll take it off. What is your problem? It’s not locked, it’s not a magic trick. Wa-ha! What are you talking about? I’ll just take it off. Is cotton and a rubber band going to kill everyone on the airplane?”

She says, “Well anything that slows you down could kill you.”

I said, “Why do you put us all in seatbelts, huh? Tie us down to your deathtrap? Is that your plan?”

And she says, “Well what happens if we get in a crash and you’re asleep. What will you do?”

I said, “I will wake the f*** up, that’s what I’ll do!” I’m not sleeping through a plan crash! What kind of narcoleptic family do you have that you think I’m sleeping through a plane crash? Everyone around me is on fire and screaming and I’m like, “Five more minutes mommy.” Do you think that’s a possibility.

And if we do crash and I am asleep, can you just not wake me? Who wakes someone up to die? “Hey, sleepy head, you almost missed this. Yeah, you were gonna die without knowing. We wanted to make sure you died with fear in your heart. We understand you have a choice when it comes to air travel and we’d like to thank you for flying United.”

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Steve Hofstetter

Steven Ira Hofstetter is an American comedian and television personality. His YouTube channel currently has over 100 million views. He is the host of Finding Babe Ruth on FS1, a regular panelist on MLB Now on MLB Network and was the host and executive producer of "Laughs" on Fox television stations. more…

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Submitted on December 07, 2018

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    "The War on Flight Attendants" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_war_on_flight_attendants_24106>.

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