The Walking Deceased Page #3

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I'm tired, and I want to sleep.

You just want

one more night with Selena.

Baby?

I'm home.

Carl?

Carl?

It's Daddy. I'm okay, son. How you been?

Anyone home?

Zombie!

Well, if anything was gonna

get you off the bottle, son,

it's a goddamn zombie apocalypse.

Daddy, I went to work with Mommy.

We hide there.

Love you. Miss you, Chrissy.

P.S. Sorry about your coma.

I struck out.

I gotta take a sh*t.

Damn, I wish I could still

ride my bike...

but nope. It's just me

and my floppy-ass feet.

'Sup, guys? Please don't follow me.

You'll blow up my spot.

Sh*t, they can't hear

my inner monologue.

No. Go away.

All they want to prove is that they're

changing for the better, but no sane person

will see it that way,

not while they're in a huge mob.

Nope. No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Damn it, stay back. This is not a party.

Please stop following me.

You're just gonna be

a massive dead cock-block.

Main stage costs canned goods.

Champagne room is a handgun, minimum.

There's no sex in the champagne room.

All right,

so what's it gonna be, a**hole?

- Dad?

- Carl?

- Who?

- Put the gun down, son.

- You're alive.

- Yeah, I'm alive. I'm alive, Carl.

Carl.

Sorry I batted you into a coma.

It's okay. Just gotta choke up

on the bat next time, all right?

Actually, I used that bat to kill my first

zombie. Remember my girlfriend, Kayla?

Girlfriend? I remember you

playing dolls with her and stuff,

but you didn't finger her

or anything, did you?

She's headless now.

Grown up a lot since then.

- Obviously you have.

- I'm a small business owner now.

That dipshit manager, Scott, was dead

when Mom and I got here a month ago,

but I figured people still need

entertainment... so I kept it open.

Found a generator in the storage closet,

so we have power.

I mean, it's a little dirty, but brains

are a pain in the ass to scrub.

I gotta hand it to you, Carl.

This is one hell of a business. I mean...

hey, look at that chick on the pole, man.

I think she's got eyes for me.

I'm proud of you, Carl.

Who? Wait.

You had another son from this?

No, no, I... it's this coma thing.

It must have messed me up.

Your mom, she... Oh, God.

- Didn't turn, did she?

- Hell, yeah, she turned.

She turned in new moves.

All right, watch this.

And now we welcome to the main stage

our only living girl!

Shut the hell up! How many times

do I have to tell you?

My beautiful mother... Barbie.

- I been waiting all day for this!

- Show us those living tits!

Hey, that's my wife!

Chris! Chris!

Hey! Freaking wanker!

Don't you get it? No touching!

Baby?

Darlin'!

What the hell? That was my last can

of beans, and all we get to do is watch?

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