The Ups and Downs of a Handyman Page #3

- You've had a lot

of handymen then have you?

- I beg your pardon?

- I mean, you have a lot of

handymen advertising

in your shop window?

- No, you're the first.

Well she must be ready now.

Have you got your drink with you?

- No, love, I left it down there.

- Well, don't worry, I'll get

you a stronger one later.

Got the right tool with you?

- Yeah, everything here.

- Now, when we get to the

bathroom, you pull it out?

- What?

- [Clerk] The plug,

then let's see what happens.

- Oh, good morning!

Mrs. Wayne, I presume?

(swinging music)

(buffoonish music)

Ah, Jesus.

- Having trouble, sir?

- It's these bikes, you see, officer.

Well they're really difficult to steer

until you've got up to speed

and my pedal power seems to have left me.

- Well you shouldn't have been

in charge of the vehicle then

in your state.

- No, no, I'm allright, officer, really.

It's just I've had a bath,

I mean repaired a bath

plug, tap!

I mean, what happened you see, in there,

when you empty the bath, the sink fills,

when you empty the sink,

it doesn't. - Oh, it doesn't?

Obviously a case of a complete breakdown.

- Well that's what I thought, see, well,

when I went my plunger

in, it didn't happen,

because they grabbed me plunger,

and well, sort of--

- I was referring to you sir, not the bath.

- Uh, I've had it, officer.

- It looks as though you have.

I suggest you go home and do a complete

plumbing job on yourself.

- [Bob] What?

- Dry yourself out, sir.

So that's our new handyman

(chortles)

Heaven help us.

- Maggie!

Maggie?

Now, where the hell are you?

- [Maggie] I'm upstairs.

- Where?

- [Maggie] In the bath.

- Oh, God.

- What on Earth happened to you?

- Yeah, well, the less said

about that the better, eh?

- Well, what happened to your

clothes, they're soaking wet.

- Come on, take them off and

jump in the bath with me.

- No, no, I can't, I must

get down to Elgin farm.

- Oh, come on, it's very sexy,

what can be better

than two people naked

in a bath together?

- Three?

- [Maggie] What?

- Three jobs to do today and

I'm getting nowhere.

- Oh, come on, I really

feel in the mood, please?

- No, I can't, I really can't.

- Fred, it's half-day closing,

I'm trying to get away,

why do you always come in

here when I'm closed?

- Well, I can't be

seen looking at these,

these books for obscenity

with the public present,

now can I?

- Now, that's what you always

say, now come on Fred,

you won't find any obscenity here.

- [Fred] Mmm, pity.

- [Arthur] Hmm?

- I'm just doing

my duty, Arthur,

protecting the citizens

from moral decline.

Look at that brazen hussy.

Oh, that's a flasher

if I ever saw one.

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