The Ugly Truth: The Art of Laughter - A Making of Hilarious Proportions Page #2

---

dictate the content

of this show. It's my show.

I control it.

I should skip the date tonight.

Stay home,

think up some ideas for sweeps.

Absolutely not, Abby.

You should be out there

observing humanity.

Humanity is who watches

our show.

Yeah.

All 2.47 percent of them.

You have rescheduled

on this guy three times.

You cancel on him tonight

and he's gone.

Look at this bone structure.

This could be the bone structure

of your future children.

Don't you want them

to be symmetrical?

You printed out his profile?

What? These have

not been touched

in quite some time.

I have to live vicariously

through your dating life.

And I really think that this

could be our next boyfriend.

- Hi.

- Hello.

I'm looking for a guy

with sandy brown hair,

athletic build, blue eyes.

He's 5'9".

Which I know you're thinking

is a little short,

but he's read

The Great Gatsby twice...

Well, technically

I'm 5'8" and a half,

but I could read

The Great Gatsby

again if it makes

it any better.

[WAITER]:
Hi. Can I get some water

for the table?

Uh, yeah, a bottle

of flat water, please?

- Sure.

- Thank you.

Um, just one second.

I'm sorry.

Did you know they've done

studies that show

tap water and bottled water

are basically the same thing.

And they recently passed

a law where restaurants

have to filter their tap water,

so it's not really tap water,

it's filtered water,

which is the same

except you don't have to pay

$7 for it. Right?

I like the way

it tastes better anyway.

Can I get a Scotch on the rocks,

please? Thank you.

Oh, yeah.

Huh. I thought, uh...

I thought in your profile

it said you, uh...

You like to drink red wine.

You printed out my profile?

Actually,

my associate producer did.

She doesn't like me

to not be prepared.

Not that I'm ever not prepared.

Kudos, by the way,

on your comprehensive

car insurance plan.

That wasn't in my profile.

No, but it's in your

background check.

So, ahem,

tell me about yourself.

Well, what's

left to talk about

that you don't already know,

right?

Ah. Good point.

Ha-ha.

All right,

well, you know,

I actually took the liberty

of printing out

some talking points

in case this happened.

I take it this

has happened before?

No. No. But you have

nine out of 10

of the necessary attributes

on my checklist.

Oh, dear God. Okay.

Oh, this is a good one.

Let's start with three, okay?

[]

[CAT MEOWS]

Don't ask.

[PURRING]

[SIGHS]

More on this story

when we come back.

We'll hear from a zoo official

now forced to take...

[MAN]:
And we're back with

The Ugly Truth,

where tonight

we're gonna be talking about

what it is men and women

really want in relationships.

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