The Toxic Avenger: The Musical Page #2

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- Melvin, the official

town records are here,

in the town library!

Oh but I promised the mayor that I

wouldn't show 'em to anyone.

- Oh, I understand.

- But, you're not just anyone are you?

- I'm not?

- No!

You are the sweetest

kindest man I ever met.

- Shut up!

(audience chuckling)

Really?

- And Melvin, the records

are in a box in the back,

and I didn't want anyone

to ever look inside

so I labeled them

important policy speeches

of Ivanka Trump!

(audience chuckling)

- Sarah, I could just kiss you!

Please?

- Uh...

(audience chuckling)

Hey you know what I

just realized?

We've known each other a few months now,

and I don't even know what

you look like (chuckles).

Could I um, well could I feel your face?

- Oh, gee, I don't think

that's such a good idea!

- Melvin, don't tell me you

suffer from low self esteem?

- No I'm just unattractive.

(audience chuckling)

- Now silly everyone

is beautiful in their own way!

- But I'm not.

- But you are!

- But I'm not.

- But you are!

- But I'm not.

- But you are!

- But I'm not--

(audience chuckling)

- Let's have a look...

That is so greasy...

(audience laughing)

Well, maybe you have a beautiful soul.

(audience chuckling)

- Uh, I should go and get the records.

(dramatic music)

- Hey!

- Oh!

- We need a book!

- Any book!

- Sorry, I'm blind!

Okay bye!

- Hey!

You don't know who

you're talking to do 'ya?

- He's Sluggo, I'm Bozo!

- And we're the stars of

Tromaville High football team!

- For the last seven years!

(grunting)

- And coach says we gotta read a book now!

- Coach says our teachers are getting mad

'cause we're elastic!

- Illiterate!

- Yeah!

- And you know what,

you're sort of pretty for a book lady!

(laughing)

- Oh yeah!

(barking)

- If you don't-don't, stop it!

You get out of--

- Sarah I found it!

Hey you get away from her or else!

- Or else (gibbers) what?

(audience chuckling)

- Or, or else,

maybe I'll hit you or something, maybe.

- Melvin, violence is always wrong,

even though it's often entertaining.

- Oh yeah (giggles)?

- Hey!

- Hey you leave her alone!

- And what's she to you, butt-face?

- Well, nothing.

- Huh?

- She's nothing.

- Huh?

- She's nothing.

- Huh?

- Dammit I love her!

(audience chuckling)

- I'm (mumbles), you, what...

(laughing)

- Come on, let's get out of here!

- Yep!

Love makes me nervous.

(audience chuckling)

- Oh Sarah, I didn't mean that!

- Uh, no, that's okay Melvin.

- You mean you feel the same about me?

- Oh no, I'm just uh,

I'm just pretending like

I didn't hear it...

(audience chuckling)

So what did you find in the the t--

Wha...

(audience snickering)

What uh, what did you

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