The To Do List Page #2

Yeah, you're not who I was looking for.

Nice to meet you.

Why am I so stupid?

What was I thinking?

That it tastes better on the way down

than it does coming up? Jesus.

- Your vomit's the color of Kermit the frog.

- Why did I say that?

Why didn't I just keep

kissing him back?

Excuse me?

Who the f*** did you kiss?

- Whom.

- Whom the f*** did you kiss, Brandy?

- Whom the f*** did you kiss, Brandy?

- Brandy.

- Whom the f*** did you kiss?

- Rusty waters.

- What? No.

- Shut up.

- Are you serious?

- I've never felt that way before.

What, horny?

Yeah, welcome to puberty, man.

No.

Like nervous.

Like I didn't know what to do.

I always know what to do. Always.

So you're saying

that you kissed rusty waters...

But you didn't put out?

Are you crazy?

- Or a lesbian.

- No.

I wanted to put it out.

I didn't know how.

What do you mean you didn't know how?

He kisses you, you just kiss him back.

I mean, it's not that hard.

Unless you're good at it,

and then it is hard. Do you get it?

- Wendy.

- I mean his dick.

Guys, this is serious.

The last time I frenched

was with Jason swan in ninth grade.

We had to end our relationship because

it interfered with student-council duties.

You could've gone all the way

if you didn't lose your sh*t.

Can you imagine losing your v card

to a college guy?

- No premature ejaculation.

- He'd hit your g spot.

Yeah, you'd probably come

like three times.

Come where?

- That's an orgasm.

- Really?

You think if I'd been ready

and wanted to and not so drunk...

Had protection and maybe a cute bra,

we could've...?

F***ed?

Yeah. Totally.

You blew, like, a major opportunity.

I mean, there's nothing wrong with being

a late bloomer, pancake...

But let's face it,

you're not getting any younger.

- I kissed his nipple.

- What?

I think I sucked on it.

- That's okay.

- But I don't know why.

Hey, could you get me a coffee?

You smell like patchouli.

Good morning. Why is chip

shaving his legs in the bathroom?

Because he Mountain bikes, duh.

- Chip spent the night, sweetheart.

- Chip did what?

He spent the night.

He's going off on some big fishing trip.

- They won't see each other all summer.

- He's following phish, as in the band.

You gave Amber permission

to have a boy sleep over?

- He's a man.

- In her bed?

Not a boy, it's her fiance. Where else am

I gonna have him sleep, on the couch?

- Why the heck not?

- How was your little church party?

I wouldn't know.

Fiona and Wendy took me to a kegger.

I got drunk and puked my brains out.

You should probably ground me.

Mom, do we have ginger ale?

- Let me see, honey.

- Dumb-ass.

Are you still drunk?

Don't tell them that.

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