The Stooge Page #2

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music publishing house,

and you get one of those

schnook song pluggers.

You put him out in the audience,

then you introduce him.

- But l don't want any...

- Yes, there you go again!

He's not your partner, he's a stooge!

All you have to say is,

''Ladies and gentlemen, we're very

lucky to have in the audience

''this afternoon a Mr. Sam Jones

or Mr. Bruce Anybody,

''the author of that big song hit,

'Your Father's Mustache'

''or 'Your Uncle's Pistol'.''

Then you roust the guy around.

The audience laughs. lt's sock.

You think that'll be good?

What do you want,

a sworn affidavit?

l'll call Sam Robertson

and get you a guy.

Now, get out of here, l'm busy.

Hello?

Hello, Leo.

Yeah. Song plugger?

Oh, no, Leo, l need all l've got.

Wait a minute, Leo, wait a minute.

l think l've got just the boy for you.

Yes. Oh, you'll love this kid.

Sure, you can pay him

what l pay him, 1 5 dollars a week.

Yeah, he loves to sing

and he's smart as a whip.

That's right.

OK, Leo. Goodbye.

Miss Reagan,

what did that idiot do this time?

He dropped a stack of records.

- ls he bleeding?

- No, l don't think so.

Oh, too bad.

Well, anyway, l think

we're going to lose him.

You mean they're gonna come

and take him away?

No, but l've just put over the biggest

business deal of my career.

- Where is he?

- He's on his lunch hour.

He's allowed 30 minutes.

Well, take his head out of the feedbag

and tell him l want to see him.

He's very insistent

on that full half-hour.

He puts great stress

on proper nourishment.

You tell him l want

to see him right away!

- Yes, sir.

- Miss Reagan.

Tell me the truth.

Do you honestly think he's human?

l've heard people bet both ways.

Stick around, mister.

There'll be a spot in just a minute.

Never mind.

l would like to have...

Could l...?

Could l get a...?

l would like to have a... A glass...

What'll it be, bud?

Oh, l'd like a glass

of hot water, please.

- Hot water.

- Yeah.

Thank you.

- What'll you have with it?

- Oh, that's all.

That's all?

- Just hot water?

- Yeah, l want it for my tea.

You've got a nerve.

Driving away my customers

and making your own tea!

Now, get out here! Beat it!

You take your hands off me! l'll pay

you for the hot water, here's a nickel.

Now, get out of here

and quit taking up space!

Don't you put your hands on me!

l'll call a policeman!

l paid for the hot water

and this a public restaurant

and l've got a perfect right to sit here.

That's the law.

- The law?

- You heard me.

Look it up yourself in the code book

of the City of New York!

Article nine, paragraph six, revised.

And l got friends on the force.

Don't you give me no trouble.

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