The Starving Games Page #2

Kantmiss.

I promise.

Wait!

Later.

Shitheads.

The Nike Swoosh?

Yes, I started selling

advertising space

on my face.

Your willingness to sell

out and whore yourself

is the primary reason I

made you head programmer.

Thank you, Mr. President.

How is

the big TV show looking?

Fantastic. We've replaced Charlie

Sheen with Ashton Kutcher,

and no one really

seems to give a sh*t.

And the Starving Games?

It's gonna be

a great show.

We have some

very interesting contestants,

with 2 volunteers

from District 12.

Volunteers.

R-O-T-F-L-O-L.

And because

you made it law

that whoever doesn't watch the

Games would be publicly flogged,

we're expecting

record high ratings.

Well, after

last years debacle,

I really had no choice.

"Celebrity Starving

Games" was a lousy idea.

No one

could have anticipated

that Oprah would eat

all the other contestants.

I want this game to go

off without a hitch.

I don't want

some underdog

from a poor district to enter the

Games and stir up the masses

with her archery skills

and her brunette hair

fashioned into a

trademark single braid,

inspiring revolt which will not

only overthrows my presidency,

but also spawns

a successful

four-quadrant

blockbuster.

Ohh!

And I may need

a new gardener.

I'm Stanley Ceaserman,

and this is

"The Starving Games

Countdown Show!"

Tomorrow, the Games begin,

but tonight, we're going

to meet the contestants.

You'll get to know them

through their

touching backstories,

where we'll manipulate you

with heavily edited

home video footage

and tragic testimonials.

Then, when you're emotionally

attached to them,

we'll send them off

to their horrific slaughter.

Let's meet

our first contestant.

Going in order

from District One,

he's the odds-on favorite

to win this thing.

He's blond. He's Waspy.

He's the Aryan youth

incarnate.

He's Marco!

Yeah!

Ahh! Yeah!

Hello, guy.

Tell us

about yourself.

I'm from District One.

It's a prime district.

Who are you?

I'm Cinnamon,

your stylist.

How are you

holding up?

I'm scared.

I don't want to die.

Ahh. I'm here

to tell you

that I

believe in you.

You can win this.

I looked

at your records,

and you are smarter and

craftier than all of them.

Really? You think

that I can win?

Yes, Patricia.

I know it.

Who's Patricia?

You're not the girl

from District Three?

No, I'm from

District 12.

You know, this is

perfectly normal.

You seem like you strong--

And now, from District 12,

Peter Malarkey.

So, Peter, tell us,

is there a special

someone in your life?

Yeah.

Yeah, there is someone.

Aww.

Aww.

Ohh.

Well, do tell.

The person's

actually here tonight,

a person who is...

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