The Skeleton Twins Page #2

He's kidding. He's being a smartass.

- Don't mind him.

- I'm messing with you.

I was like, "Whoa,

what's this guy got against fat kids?"

- No, he's...

- I mean, I was a fat kid.

- Oh, you were?

- I was built like a damn tank, yeah.

- She's seen the pictures.

- It's pretty cute, though.

I look like a... Just

a little pillow with legs.

- A little marshmallow.

- Yeah.

Hey, here's to you guys.

- Thanks.

- May your kids be happy and fat.

Cool, man, thanks.

I mean, it hasn't happened yet,

but we're definitely giving it a go.

Well, keep trying, guys.

I can't wait to be the creepy gay uncle.

- You're hired.

- Okay.

You got the job.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Settling in?

- Yeah.

No, yeah, it's like

a Martha Stewart wonderland.

So, you met Lance.

Yeah, I met Lance.

Isn't he the best?

Yeah, he's like a big Labrador retriever.

Yeah, I guess.

He's just the nicest guy on the planet.

I really lucked out.

Yeah, you're really going for it.

- What does that mean?

- You're going for it.

Just, like, the job, the house,

the furniture. The Lance.

I guess I grew up.

- So, what about you?

- What about me?

Well, last I heard,

you moved to L.A. to be an actor?

That was, like, 10 years ago?

- Yeah, did you not hear? I won an Oscar.

- Oh, very funny.

Yeah, I played a retarded

Ukrainian immigrant

who inspires a bunch of school kids

in Brooklyn by playing chess.

- Seriously.

- Seriously,

acting's kinda hard

when you don't have an agent.

- So...

- Well, what are you doing for money?

Let me guess, male

prostitute joke coming...

What do you want me to say, Maggie?

I wait tables at a shitty tourist

restaurant in Hollywood.

It's f***ing boring, the end.

What do you want to know?

You know, I'm tired. I'm gonna go to bed.

All right, good night.

Sh*t.

The key to buddy breathing is not to panic.

Don't freak out or you'll die.

Don't yank the regulator

away from your partner.

Don't bogart the thing either.

All right, so, everybody partner up.

Let's go, let's do it.

Looking for a date?

A partner.

Oh, yeah, sure. Okay.

This is a book

that we're selling a lot more of.

It's just much more practical.

It's much more hands-on.

- Does that sound...

- It sounds perfect.

- Okay, good. Yeah, good luck.

- Thank you.

Surprise.

Milo.

Back from the dead.

What are you doing here?

I just rolled into town.

I wanted to say hi.

No, what are you doing

here at the store?

I am looking for the new

Danielle Steel novel.

- You should go.

- No, hey, no, I... Let's go hiking.

Let's go to Kate's Lazy Meadow

and, you know,

- go to the Harvest Festival and...

- Milo, you're out of your mind.

No, Rich, I just think...

Don't come here again.

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