The Sitter Page #2

Thanks.

I'm not going after all.

What? Why?

The Pedullas' sitter

canceled at the last minute.

What?

Do I have sh*t on my face?

Come on. Don't tell me

you can't use the money.

Are you crazy?

No. I'm not Mary Poppins.

I'm not gonna be a babysitter.

I'm an adult man.

Okay? Babysitting sucks.

Adult men don't babysit things.

Oh, Noah, you're

wonderful with children!

You know, never mind.

Who am I kidding?

Finding a guy at my age is ridiculous.

I'm going to change my dress.

What are you in

the mood for? Chinese?

Oh, come on.

Ding-dong!

Noah!

Mrs. Pedulla.

It's so good to see you!

Oh, my gosh.

Get over... Bring it in for a hug, babe.

What are we doing?

God, I haven't see you since

you were, like, 15.

Yeah. So Dr. Pedulla, he's still alive?

You two are still together?

Um...

Oh! That's my kind

of TV, right there.

Yeah, well, feel free to

watch anything you want.

Cool.

Yeah.

Hey, Slater?

Anyway, honey, this is Noah.

He's going to be babysitting tonight.

What happened to Nancy?

Honey, we talked about this.

Nancy has a urinary

tract infection, okay?

Is Clayton coming over tonight?

No, Mom. His tarantula

died from parasites,

and now he's in mourning.

Well, you're in luck, Noah.

The two of them

together are just trouble.

Hey. That's not true.

Why do you say that?

You're always attacking us!

Honey, lam not attacking you.

Okay? Calm down.

You know what?

I'll be right back. Yeah.

Okay? Excuse me

just one second.

Hello?

Hey, what are you watching?

Just watching some gymnastics.

Cool.

Hey, how old are you, man?

Thirteen.

Thirteen?

What am I doing here?

Why aren't you babysitting yourself?

I'm not a babysitter, okay?

Yeah, neither am I.

If you would just

man up and babysit,

I wouldn't have to be here tonight.

I could be out having fun.

I have severe anxiety issues.

And my doctor,

he says that I can't

handle any kind

of responsibility,

or else I could just snap

at any moment.

Jesus Christ, man. Relax.

Okay. Sorry.

Slater, nice to meet you.

All right, should we go upstairs?

Bye, honey.

We're gonna have

some fun tonight, pal.

Roll back nice and easy

Keep your breath inside

so you don't get wheezy

Honey! What did Mommy tell you

about the mascara? Put it down.

You said I

could play dress-up.

Yeah, I said you

could play dress-up,

not make yourself

look like a hooker.

Look at you!

My daughter

Blithe is going through

this whole "celebutante" phase.

It's kind of unfortunate,

but it's a fad.

That's what they

do in the schools.

It'll pass. I don't know

where they come from.

Kids, right?

Yeah, kids.

Are you the babysitter?

Why, in fact, I am.

I'm Noah.

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