The Replacements

FADE IN:

1 EXT. MARINA - DAY

The water around the moored boats looks dirty and cold.

ROLL CREDITS as we PICK UP a sad excuse for a boat

sitting in an end slip -- a seagull-sh*t-covered, thirty-

foot cabin cruiser that hasn't cruised in a long, longtime. An unpainted plywood addition has been nailed tothe top of the cabin, partially covered with a blueplastic tarp.

SUPERIMPOSE:
ANACOSTIA MARINA - WASHINGTON D.C. - FALL

The tarp moves and SHANE FALCO's half-naked torso emergesfrom under it. Shane is late twenties, golden boyhandsome, but quickly going to seed. He looks hung over.

MUSIC UP:
"My Own Worst Enemy" by LIT.

Shane glances up at the clouds. He pulls on the top partof an old patched wet suit and zips it up, shivering.

1

2 EXT. MARINA - ON SHANE

in an old Zodiac inflatable dinghy. He's pulled up theattached rubber hood to his wet suit so that only thewhite of his face is visible. He pulls up to the yachtacross the way from his boat, ties the dinghy to the rearrail and clips a bill for services rendered on the sternline.

He slips on a weight belt, puts on a pair of old gaffer-

taped goggles, jams the end of an air hose in his mouth,

and falls backward into the water.

2

3 EXT. UNDERWATER - DAY

It's dark and murky as Shane descends dreamlike INTOFRAME. All that we hear is the shooting sound of hisAIR HOSE echoing across the river bottom as we -SMASH

CUT TO:

3

3A QUARTERBACK

getting decimated by a defensive lineman. The lineman

drives the quarterback to the turf in an ugly and violentcollision.

BACK TO:

3A

3B

THE REPLACEMENTS - Rev. 9/30/99 2.

EXT. UNDERWATER - DAY

Shane uses a long spatula to slowly and methodicallyattack the underside of the sailboat. The spatulascrapes away the green algae muck revealing the purewhite underside of the boat as we -SMASH

CUT TO:

3B

3C QUARTERBACK

getting hit high and low in a vicious pass rush as theair is blasted from his lungs.

BACK TO:

3C

3D EXT. UNDERWATER - DAY

Amidst the beer cans and other trash something golden issitting on the river bottom. Shane takes a deep pull onhis hose and drifts down...

A shaft of sunlight penetrates the murky water andreveals a broken trophy half-buried in the mud. Shane

kneels over and picks it up. The trophy is almost afull-sized football rendered in bronze and attached to a

broken base. He wipes away mud from the plate with histhumb.

3D

CLOSEUP - INSCRIPTION

SHANE FALCO - 1995 ALL-AMERICAN TEAM.

SMASH CUT TO:

3E QUARTERBACK

getting speared by a lineman's helmet. The CRACK of his

RIBS is all that we hear as he turns his head to us,

revealing the anguished face of Shane Falco five yearsearlier.

BACK TO:

3E

3F EXT. UNDERWATER - DAY

Shane bends down as if behind an imaginary center. He

barks garbled signals as he c*cks his left leg, takesthe snap, and drops back. But there's a blitz! He stepsup in the pocket, bobbing and weaving in a kind ofdelicate ballet.

(CONTINUED)

3F

3F

THE REPLACEMENTS - Rev. 9/30/99

CONTINUED:

2A.

3F

Suddenly he points down field, pulls up and c*cks his

arm. The trophy comes behind his ear and snaps forwardin a perfect release.

The football spins OUT OF FRAME, but we HOLD ON Shane ashe watches his pass. Suddenly, he throws both arms up ina touchdown signal.

We STAY ON Shane in this victory pose, fifteen feetunderwater on the muddy bottom of the Potomac River, as

we -END

CREDITS.

CUT TO:

4 EXT. NEXTEL STADIUM - FIELD - DAY 4

Bam! A Miami Barracuda linebacker crushes a WashingtonSentinel running back and lands on his throat, elbowfirst.

MADDEN (V.O.)

Boom! You could feel that one all

the way up here in the booth, Pat!

(CONTINUED)

3.

4 CONTINUED:
4

SUMMERALL (V.O.)

That pretty much sums upWashington's running game all daylong. They've had a miserable 42yards on the ground...

O'NEIL (V.O.)

Damnit!

5 INT. NEXTEL STADIUM - O'NEIL'S LUXURY BOX - SAME TIME 5

Where we find EDWARD O'NEIL, the red-faced, 75-year-oldowner of the Washington Sentinels.

Sitting obliviously at his side is his wife; a once-upona-

time blonde bombshell now held together by collagen andsilicone. She's busy at work on a Post crossword puzzle.

MRS. O'NEIL

What's a six letter word for

'exuberant'?

O'NEIL

'Divorced.'

(through thebinoculars)

Tildon, you moron!

MRS. O'NEIL

'Divorced' is eight letters...

6 EXT. NEXTEL STADIUM - FIELD - DAY 6

We see quarterback EDDIE MARTEL running for the end zonewhen he is confronted by a safety smaller than he is.

Martel goes down in one of those wimpy quarterback slidesbefore the safety can even hit him.

7 INT. NEXTEL STADIUM - O'NEIL'S LUXURY BOX - DAY 7

O'Neil throws down his binoculars.

O'NEIL

Martel, you wimp!

He begins to cough hoarsely before taking deep breaths,

dramatically, as if Martel's play was the one that wasactually going to send him to his grave.

(CONTINUED)

THE REPLACEMENTS - Rev. 9/18/99 4.

7 CONTINUED:
7

O'NEIL

I got one foot in the grave and Icould have scored!

An assistant steps over with two blue pills and a glassof water. O'Neil grabs the pills but pushes the wateraway, chasing them with his martini instead.

O'NEIL

Get me Jimmy McGinty.

here. Tonight.

Get him

CUT TO:

8 INT. CONTROL BOOTH - DAY 8

JOHN MADDEN and PAT SUMMERALL wrapping up the game.

MADDEN:

And that play may very well be thelast play of the season...

SUMMERALL:

If you haven't heard, the players'strike became official at nine

p.m. eastern time. We go livenow to Dwight Edwards in theWashington locker room for areaction from the players. Dwight?

INTERCUT:

9 INT. LOCKER ROOM - DAY 9

A handsome former wide receiver and now TBS Sportsreporter, DWIGHT EDWARDS, stands before quarterback EddieMartel.

DWIGHT EDWARDS:

Eddie, there's a lot of angry fansout there tonight who feel thatthe players are being too greedyin their demands. Anything you'dlike to say to that?

MARTEL:

Look, I know that five million a

year sounds like a lot of money.

But I gotta pay ten percent to myagent, five percent to my lawyer,

plus alimony, child support -(

CONTINUED)

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