The Pirates! Band of Misfits Page #3

with a knife in your teeth.

Beard glossiness!

And think about

all the adventures we've had.

Our adventure with Aztecs.

Our adventure with that pig.

Our adventure with...

Okay, maybe not the librarians.

But the fun we've had.

And what about the shanties?

Well, I mean...

People would miss my shanties.

And the running people through.

Well, I...

I do enjoy running people through.

Enjoy it? You're brilliant at it!

You're a brine-soaked terror

of the high seas!

Do you think so, Number Two?

Everyone does!

You're more of a pirate

than Black Bellamy or any of them.

You're a real pirate.

That's why the crew,

they think you're the best thing

since boil-in-the-bag ham.

Why do you think they all

got that tattoo? Come on.

What do you say?

Arrr!

By Neptune, where's that ship?

This is the one, lads!

Ninth time lucky! I can feel it in my beard!

Well, don't just sit there like lemons!

Hoist the flag!

Standard, sir?

Or extra gruesome?

Extra gruesome!

Let's make their gizzards shake.

Journal of Charles Darwin.

Day 93 aboard the Beagle.

I have, today,

discovered a new kind of barnacle,

which I have categorized

in the order of Pygophora.

I'll never get a girlfriend. lam so unhappy.

And now I'm being attacked by pirates.

Avast! I'm the Pirate Captain,

and I'm here for your gold.

I haven't got any gold.

No gold, eh?

Then what, might I ask, is this?

It's a baboon's kidney.

Is it?

And what about this?

It's another baboon's kidney.

We searched the hold, Captain.

And?

Just creatures.

Bits of creatures in jars.

And an unhappy-looking baboon.

What kind of ship is this?

We're a...

Well, we were a scientific expedition.

Charles Darwin, at your service, sir.

For pity's sake!

Is it so much to ask? Is it?

I just want one tiny bit of success!

One teensy weensy bit

of respect from my peers

just once in my life!

Is that such a crime?

Is it?

- No?

- No!

No.

But you try telling that to the universe.

Just once, just once for things to go right.

Just... Just once.

So, are we done here?

Dear Diary,

about to meet a watery grave.

It's nothing personal, you understand.

It's just... It's been a tough week,

and a good plank walk

usually cheers him up.

Will die without reaching second base

with a lady.

Get on with it!

Today's weather:

inclement.

- Stop!

- Now what?

Last request, is it?

Do we have to grant those?

Is there some sort of

human rights convention we're signed up to?

- But that bird!

- My parrot?

She's just big-boned!

No, she's not.

I mean... I mean, she's not a parrot.

Not a parrot?

What's he on about, old girl?

She's... She's...

She's the scientific discovery of our age!

She's a...

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