The Palm Beach Story Page #2

every city needs one.

My patent is basic.

$99,000 is a lot of money.

Oh, but it isn't what it costs; it's what it

brings you back. You see, I've got $99,000 now,

but if I was to build this thing,

I might...

Let's start all over again

from the beginning.

Go ahead. My time ain't

worth anything. I'm retired.

Psst.

Hey, Mike,

come here a minute.

Take a gander inside, will ya, and see if the manager's

gone to dinner. I don't wanna see him face-to-face.

Sure. But if it's the rent you're thinking about,

you can go in and whistle up his nose. It's paid.

It's paid? What do you

mean, it's paid? It's paid.

Who paid it?

Your wife.

My wife? Well, I'm sure it wasn't

mine. An old man give her the money.

An old man give her the money? What do

you mean, an old man gave her the money?

I said I'm taking you to dinner and then the theater and

then supper, so hurry up and put on your dinner jacket.

Just a minute.

What's all this malarkey...

about some old man paying the rent for you

that the whole building is buzzing with?

Oh, it's not malarkey, darling.

Here's the receipted bill.

You see? It says "paid. " And I paid the

butcher and the grocer and the drugstore.

And I got this dress and had my hair done

and six pairs of stockings and some new shoes.

And here's $14 in change.

That's for you.

Isn't it wonderful? Sensational. But you

haven't quite answered my question yet.

What question, dear? Why this alleged

old man gave you... How much is it?

Seven hundred dollars.

Seven hundred dollars.

Why?

No reason.

Oh, is that so? He just... Seven hundred

dollars, just like that? Just like that.

I mean, sex didn't even enter into

it? Oh, but of course it did, darling.

I don't think he'd have given it to me if I had hair

like excelsior and little short legs like an alligator.

Sex always has something

to do with it, dear. I see.

From the time you're about so big and wondering why your

girlfriends' fathers are getting so arch all of a sudden.

Nothing wrong. Just an overture

to the opera that's coming.

- I see.

- You don't really, but from then on,

you get it from cops, taxi drivers,

bellboys, delicatessen dealers.

- Got what?

- The look. You know: "How's about this evening, babe?"

- So this gent gave you the look.

- The Wienie King? Oh, no.

Oh, at his age, darling, it was really more

of a blink. Really? This is very illuminating.

Well, you don't have to get rigid about

it. It was perfectly innocent, I assure you.

Where'd you meet this Wienie King?

You'll die laughing when you

hear. All right. Convulse me.

In the bathtub.

In the bathtub?

Yes. Isn't that charming? Delicious.

What were you doing in the bathtub?

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