The Oscars Page #2

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in "the sessions" #

# Scarlett Johansson #

# we saw them on our phones #

# Jessica chastain

we Sawyer o b*obs in "lawless" #

# Jodie Foster in the creuse #

# Hilary Swank in Boys Don't Cry #

# Pen?lope Cruz in Vanilla Sky #

# And Kate Winslet in Heavenly Creatures #

# and Hamlet and Titanic ###

# and whatever you're in right now #

# we saw your b*obs #

# we saw your b*obs #

ladies and gentlemen,

the gay men's chorus of Los Angeles.

# we saw your b*obs #

# b*obs #

# we saw your boobk we

saw your b*obs, b*obs #

# we saw your boob #

just so you know, I'm not actually

a member of that chorus.

I was just joining in at the end there.

Oh, trust me, in July you join the chorus.

Okay, what do I do? How do I fix this?

Well, look, look, these people

don't want you to mock the movies.

If you're going to do a son-in-law,

sing one that celebrates the movies.

You know, a classic Oscar-winning tune.

You said it yourself.

That's what tonight is

supposed to be about.

All right, I think I got it.

Ladies and gentlemen,

channing tatum and charlize theron.

# someday when I'm awfully low #

# when the world is cold #

# I will feel a glow #

# just thinking of you #

# and the way you look tonight #

just the way you look tonight

just the way you look tonight

all right, there.

Did that fix everything?

Well, let's find out.

Seth macfarlane,

pretty bad Oscar host.

Seth macfarlane,

pretty bad Oscar host. Still?

Why? What else happened?

You do a reenactment of the movie

"flight" entirely with soft puppets.

Take a look.

Flight 227, you are

cleared for takeoff.

- All systems go. Captain.

- Okay, hang on a second.

Glug, glug, glug,

glug, let's do it.

Captain, you don't

look so good. Are you okay?

I am now.

Oh, oh.

Aaagh!

- I'm going to have to roll it.

- Too low. Too low.

Pull up.

Pull up.

I'm in so much pain.

Hey, it's me your drug dealer.

You want some drugs? Yeah.

- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, that's...

that's not bad-bad, right?

Are you crazy? You're a white guy.

In 2013 you can't wear black hand.

Come on, Denzel doesn't care.

He has a great sense of humor.

He's in all those "nutty Professor"

movies. He's hilarious.

The point is, keep it classy.

You've suck a song.

How about a little soft shoe?

Okay, all right. How about this?

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome

Daniel Radcliffe and Joseph Gordon-levitt.

# Just what makes that little old an #

# think he'll move #

# that rubber tree plant #

# anyone knows an ant #

# can't move a rubber tree plant #

# but he's got high hopes #

# he's got high hopes #

# he's got high hopes #

# he's got high apple pie #

# in the sky hopes #

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