The Mindy Project Page #2

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She smiles. She has horrible teeth. Tom smiles back,

enchanted. Off her teeth we dissolve to:

Untitled Mindy Kaling Show Pilot 1/9/12 51/9/12 5.

EXT. WEDDING TENT - NIGHT

We now see Serbian girl smiling under a tent at a posh post-

wedding dinner reception. She smiles. Perfect teeth.

MIRA (V.O.)

He dumped me, she moved in, he

fixed her teeth. They got married

last night. I don’t think they

thought I would actually go, so

they invited me. But I did go.

We now see Mira, in her dress, sitting at a table with

various old people and foreigners.

MIRA (V.O.)

I was at the worst table - the

Randoms. You know, where the old

babysitters and childhood pen pals

sit?

Mira and an OLD HIPPIE LADY get wasted and are laughing

loudly.

MIRA (V.O.)

So, me and Tom’s old babysitter

Bernice got wasted together.

BERNICE:

Why would Tom break up with a

thoughtful girl like you?

MIRA:

He wanted kids.

BERNICE:

You don’t want kids?

MIRA:

No, he wanted kids. Six of ‘em. He

thought I was too old for that.

BERNICE:

Six kids? What is he, in a cult?

(confiding)

He wet the bed until he was 10.

MIRA (V.O.)

And then, I felt like making a

speech.

Mira is now at the microphone.

Untitled Mindy Kaling Show Pilot 1/9/12 6.

MIRA:

Some of you may know Tom and I used

to date. So I have some pretty good

stories of everyone’s favorite

glorified dentist.

People laugh with anticipation, including Tom and the bride.

We see Clayton, Dr. Shulman and his wife, and Jeremy are

there.

MIRA (CONT’D)

Like the time he thought he had

Lyme disease but it turned out to

be a patch of dry skin on his

stomach.

People laugh.

MIRA (CONT’D)

Or how he always says “Oh, Larry”

when we watch Curb Your Enthusiasm,

like he has a personal relationship

with Larry David.

People love this. Brooks whispers to Dr. Shulman.

BROOKS:

What’s Curb Your Enthusiasm?

DR. SHULMAN

Oy vey.

MIRA:

Or the time he told me during sex

that he wanted to marry me and make

me pregnant with six babies.

People stop smiling. Brooks covers his eyes. Jeremy loves

this.

MIRA (CONT’D)

Which I really wanted too. But,

well, that didn’t end up happening.

Obviously. Cuz here I am, sitting

with a bunch of randoms at his

wedding to the Serbian bagel girl.

(whispering)

By the way, are we a hundred

percent sure she’s not a war

criminal?

(then, off their reaction)

Oh, get over yourselves. Like the

thought didn’t cross your mind.

(MORE)

Untitled Mindy Kaling Show Pilot 1/9/12 7.

MIRA (CONT’D)

So:
to Tom and Bagel Girl. May you

never run out of bagels.

Mira throws her wine glass down, shattering it.

MIRA (CONT’D)

L’Chaim! Peace. I’m out. Tom wet

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