The Million Dollar Duck Page #2

This duck could shed

some new light

on the rates of learning

of various animals.

- All right, but it's his last chance.

- Thank you, sir.

Last!

I understand.

You hear that, chum?

You gotta shape up or...

You're gonna... You got applesauce

all over your face. Come here.

[Man] Took him ten seconds last time.

Let's see if he'll do better.

[Bell rings]

Excellent.

[Man] Well, Mr. Pig, what are you

going to show us today?

Beautiful.

- Superb.

- Superb.

No, Dooley, that duck couldn't begin

to handle these tests.

Over here.

Now this is the simplest device

we've got.

The duck has had 49 hours

of practice on this one,

so it's about time

we see some results.

[Albert] Okay, duck. Go for the yellow

button, the center, the yellow button.

He's got it now.

[Ringing]

Oh, come on.

Get that stupid duck out of here.

Wait a minute. Just one more time, sir.

Just one more time.

For what? He's useless.

Completely unresponsive.

All right, fella, once more.

Yellow button, center. Center.

You don't give up.

There he goes for the red button again.

No, no, he's got it now.

He's going...

[buzzer]

[Barking]

At least he's reacting.

Oh, no.

[Gottlieb] All right, Dooley.

Get that misfit out of here.

Dr. Gottlieb. You have to admit,

that's a very interesting reaction.

[Albert] I mean, this duck

is a fascinating creature.

Okay, Frisby, what have we got here?

Gamma rays on, uh, what?

Testing some new

high resistance silicone oils.

- [Man] Phenyl type?

- [Frisby] Yeah.

[Man] What is the estimated

integrated threshold neutron flux?

[Quacking]

- What do you mean by that?

- By what?

Well, you said "quack."

Hey, I didn't say "quack."

[Quacking]

[Man] Holy cow!

[Static]

Oh, Professor.

- Is this one of your creatures?

- Yes. How did she get in there?

You tell me.

You almost had fried duck.

Is she okay?

Oh, sure, no harm.

Just, uh, got a little jolt.

But in the future, would you please

keep your friends out of our department?

Yeah, okay.

Boy, you really blew it today.

Only thing to do now is find you

a home for retired dropouts.

- A duck?

- Yeah.

That's what it is. A duck.

But I want a puppy.

I don't want a dumb old duck.

Look, pal, I didn't

bring it home for a pet.

Then why'd you bring it?

It was either that

or let the janitor's wife fricassee it.

It was a total wash-out

at the lab and...

Wouldn't a puppy be

just as cheap to feed?

Darling, we're not gonna keep it.

Well, he really had

his heart set on a puppy.

Katie, now, we've been

through all of that.

I'm just trying to find a home

for this stupid duck.

Maybe that farmer would take it,

the one that comes around

and sells us those vegetables

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