The Meaning of Life Page #2

What do I do?

Yes?

What do I do? Nothing,

dear. You're not qualified.

Leave it to us.

What's that for?

That's the machine

that goes "ping. "

You see? That means

your baby is still alive.

And that's the most expensive

machine in the whole hospital.

Yes, it cost over three-quarters

of a million pounds.

Aren't you lucky?

The administrator

is here, Doctor.

Switch everything on.

Morning, gentlemen.

Morning. Morning, gentlemen.

Morning.

Morning, Mr. Pycroft.

Mr. Pycroft.

Oh, very impressive,

very impressive.

And what are you doing

this morning? It's a birth.

And what sort of thing

is that?

Well, that's when we take a

new baby out of a lady's tummy.

Wonderful what we

can do nowadays.

I see you have the machine that

goes "ping. " This is my favorite.

You see, we lease this back

from the company we sold it to,

and that way, it comes under the monthly

current budget and not the capital account.

Thank you, thank you. We try to

do our best. Well, do carry on.

Oh, the vulva's dilating,

Doctor. Oh, yes, there's the head.

Yes, four centimeters,

five, six centimeters.

Lights!

Amplify the ping machine.

Masks up!

Suction!

Eyes down

for a full house!

Here it comes.

And frighten it.

Thank you.

And the rough towels!

Show it to the mother.

That's enough.

Right. Sedate her.

N umber the child.

Measure it, blood-type

it and isolate it.

Okay, show's over.

Is it a boy or a girl?

I think it's a little early to start

imposing roles on it, don't you?

Now, a word of advice. You may

find that you suffer for some time,

a totally irrational feeling of

depression, PN D, as we doctors call it.

So, it's lots of

happy pills for you,

and you can find out all about

the birth when you get home.

It's available on BetaMax,

VHS and Super 8.

The miracle of birth,

part two. The third world.

Oh, bloody hell.

Oh, get it, would you,

Deidre? All right, Mum.

Now whose teatime is it?

Mine!

Come on.

Out you go.

Now, Vincent, Tessa,

Valerie, Janine,

Martha, Andrew, Thomas,

Walter, Pat, Linda,

Michael, Evadne, Alice, Dominique

and Sasha, it's your bedtime.

Now don't argue!

Laura, Alfred, N igel,

Annie, Simon, Amanda...

Wait. I've got something

to tell the whole family.

Oh, quick. Go and get

the others in, Gordon.

The mill's closed.

There's no more work.

We're destitute.

Come in, my little loves. I've

got no option but to sell you all

for scientific experiments.

No, no, that's the way it is,

my loves.

Blame the Catholic Church

for not letting me wear one

of those little rubber things.

Oh, they've done some

wonderful things in their time.

They've preserved the might and majesty,

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