The Man Who Sued God Page #2

This may seem an obvious question, but if I

was to rise from this chair and I should slip somehow

and this crutch was to disappear down your neck

and shove your epiglottis out your arsehole...

Would that be an Act of God'?

Grey area.

I'm not leaving.

That's the worst f***ing painting

I've ever seen in my life.

Very good.

What are you doing?! I can walk,

for god's sake! Get my bag.

I have a life, you know.

You're a low-brow, bad taste,

sanctimonious, corporate arsehole!

I'm not finished with you.

I'll give you acts of God.

I'll give you locusts. Boils. I'll give you whirlwinds.

I'll give you the f***ing works!

I'll get f***ing mad!

You can jump out of your f***ing windows!

F***ing great!

Excuse me, Mr. Myers,

we've got a little back room today.

- Sorry I'm late.

- I started without you.

- Should you be taking those with that?

- No problem as long as you don't work heavy machinery.

Waiter.

I'm sorry.

Thank you very much.

Another one of these, pal, would be lovely.

- Let's go somewhere else.

- I like it here. Nice fascist simplicity.

We've got a wee job to do. We're gonna sue

Monarch Pestal Angel from here to the shithouse.

Don't be stupid. Armies of lawyers

have hammered out those policies.

Their liabilities are defined in minute detail.

What about God's liabilities?

Has anybody consulted him?

I'd love to help you. I love you like

a brother, but this is ridiculous.

I'm your brother.

You love me like a lawyer.

Have you met my brother?

He's gonna be a very successful lawyer.

No more drink.

Why don't you f***...

Let me help you up.

- My skirt!

- I'm very sorry.

I didn't mean anything with that.

Can I buy you some... so sorry.

- Just piss off.

- Alright. I'm going.

I haven't even eaten anything.

I'm bloody starving.

'Scuse me, I'm sorry.

One night,

a seed of humanity was planted when a family

of chimpanzees decided to sit around the fire.

They started cooking on it, having

friends over, talking into the night,

they learned reason and manners.

Restaurants are directly descended

from that first gathering.

But the animal that entered my

favourite eating place yesterday

would not have been tolerated

even by those old chimps.

Drunk, stinking and abusive he proceeded to

disturb not only mine... oh my god, this gets worse.

It looks like you've made a friend there.

And I'm not going to help.

Couldn't say it very clear, huh?

This is just another one of

your little stunts, isn't it?

You dig a hole, everybody else falls in,

and you walk away feeling superior.

Not me, pal. Not this time.

- Good morning, The National.

- Anna Redmond, please.

She writes a column at your paper, remember?

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