The Lonely Guy Page #2

Nice to meet you.

We got a little apartment

here on the West Side.

One big room and

a 40-foot mattress.

Anytime you're in the neighborhood,

just drop in, okay?

And don't be so broken up about Danielle.

She already dumped Raoul.

- She has?

- Yeah. She's living with a rock group now.

Oh. Well, okay.

You take it easy, huh?

See you around.

Yeah.

Come on, baby.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Warren Evans.

Larry Hubbard.

Hi, Larry.

Hi.

First-time lonely guy?

What's a lonely guy?

My girl Melanie

just left me.

What'd she

leave you for?

She came home last night,

found some guy robbing her apartment.

They just hit it off.

Gee, that sounds tough.

It was tough.

It's probably for the best. She's

really started to let herself go.

Drank a lot,

never bathed, fat.

Hey, don't worry. You'll meet another girl.

Not like Melanie.

No, better than Melanie.

You're not gonna stay lonely forever, are ya?

I'm not.

Well.

Where're you headed?

Um... I guess I have to look

for an apartment, huh?

Take it from an experienced

lonely guy.

Be very careful

looking for an apartment.

'Cause from now on,

that apartment's gonna be your best friend.

A lot of lonely guys, just to get off the

street, tend to grab the first thing...

that looks better

than a Borneo death cell.

Thanks.

My pleasure.

Warren gave me

a lot of tips, like:

It's very important to find an

apartment with a feeling of space.

Right here.

The view is very important

psychologically.

In a moderate price range,

you can't expect anything too beautiful,

but a lonely guy should

watch out for the depressing.

A river view is great...

as long as you're

above the river.

And you mustn't be fooled by

classy-looking neighborhoods.

Sometimes your

classiest-looking neighborhoods

have the highest crime rates.

Don't live here.

Bad neighborhood.

What a view, and you

can almost see the river!

See, this has the pacing room I need.

I'm working on a novel.

This apartment could really be my friend.

I'll take this.

All right, fine, but before

you can sign the lease,

there are a few questions I'd like to ask.

What?

"Do you have any dogs, cats, children,

or friends of ethnic extraction?

"Do you ever get personal

phone calls after midnight?

"Do you go to dinner

with people in show business?

"Do you ever put substances up your

nose or any other open bodily passage?

Is there anyone

in your acquaintance

who has a sexually

communicable disease?"

No dogs, no cats, no children,

no foreign friends.

No late phone calls, no show business

dinners, no disgusting substances.

No acquaintances with sexually

communicable diseases.

Except that Uncle Harry once developed

a rash after an affair with a waitress,

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