The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean Page #4

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that God has appointed a judge

upon the earth.

That is how it is

and the way it will be. Amen.

- Amen.

- Amen.

Bar is open!

Two.

Two.

Two.

I'm Snake River Rufus Krile,

a long way from home.

Quit grinning.

Can't stand a man that grins.

I call that bet, and I'll raise you $10.

I'm blood kin to a Gila monster.

- Can drink my weight in wolf poison.

- One.

Massacre, bloodshed...

famine and drought

all put meat on my bones.

I'll see that and raise you $5.

Hardship and slaughter: my daily bread.

You in or out, Judge?

I'm considering...

I can whip a full-grown longhorn cow

with my hands tied.

Make violent love to mountain lions.

My trigger fingers are itchy.

I'm set to go, red hot.

Raise you $5.

Justifiable homicide.

I fine that man two bits

for firing a gun in a public building.

I also fine him...

$35, $45...

$52 for lying around.

Whorehouse, I call you and...

raise you $52.

I call.

Three bullets.

The marshals found

that the land abounded in opportunities.

And the pickings was easy.

Little did the varmints expect

the long arm of justice...

to reach them from within.

Criminal vermin was plentiful

and of good value, too.

We had us a table piled high with silver

in no time.

And that was just the beginning.

The confiscated property

of them that was caught and hung...

allowed the Judge

to institute civic improvements.

Wagonloads of real, law-abiding citizens

came to settle.

The Judge himself became a man

of considerable wealth and consequence.

He verily papered the courthouse walls...

with posters of his true and fair love.

He even sent riders to the railhead

to bring back the New York Times...

so he could follow the exploits

of Miss Langtry...

Jersey Lily,

voice as sweet as that of a nightingale.

I am...

disturbed by the news this morning.

What is it, Judge?

I am crestfallen.

Crestfallen?

Crestfallen by the...

report that Miss Lillie,

in a playful mood at a royal outing...

slipped a frog down the back

of His Highness Albert Edward...

Prince of Wales.

It was in a moment of frivolity,

you understand.

She slipped a frog

down this prince's neck?

Anyway, the Prince

was ruffled by the incident...

and disfavored Miss Lillie for it.

I suppose he would.

Suppose he would?

Ought to go over there

and hang the son of a b*tch!

I would, too, except I got

too much respect for the royal family.

- Where'd you get that dress?

- You sent for it.

It sure didn't look like that

in the Sears and Roebuck catalog.

- Don't you like it?

- With all due respect to Miss Lillie...

I think she'd understand,

yeah, I like it a lot.

Just don't go wearing it around here

during drinking hours.

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