The Ladies Man Page #3

- the goods.

- [Zipper Unzips]

[ Chorus]

Hallelujah

[ Scrap ]

The day you pick up that pretty woman,

that's the day I believe

a wet bird don't fly at night.

Yeah? Well, get ready to see

a wet bird fly at night, my friend.

[Chuckling]

Say there, sweet thing.

Uh, I have a question.

Could I--

- Hey, swinger. I've got an idea.

- Yeah?

My husbands away.

Let's go back to my place.

So you don't want

a fish sandwich?

Okay, that's cool, I guess.

But listen.

- My car doesn't exist, so- Yes.

- Shut up.

The bus is what

we'll be taking.

- Hey! Hey, man! Hey!

- [Leon Continues]

[Panting, Grunting]

[Panting, Grunting]

[ Soul, Muffled]

- To the left'. Yeah. just like that.

- Like that?

[ Man ]

Honey, the front door.

Barney, is that you?

Well, it isn't the Orkin man.

I'll be right there.

You'll never guess

what happened.

I was cleaning up

the broom closet,

and it was so stuffed

with crap.

So I opened the door...

and it was like,

" Uh-uh-uh-uh.

Don't open that door, McGee.

'Cause all that stuff...

just came tumbling down

all over me.

- Do you have a man in there with you?

- Oh, yes!

Oh, yes! Oh, yes!

Don't stop.

- Cheryl

- [Bedpost Banging]

Oh, don T stop!

Oh, don "t-

Listen, baby, that was cool,

but I gotta go.

No!

Wake up!

It is 2:
30 in the a.m., and you are

listenin' to The Ladies Man.

All right. So let's take

some more calls. Go ahead, caller.

Hello? Am I on?

Yes, you are.

What seems to be your query?

Uh-

Well, look, I've never called

a show like this before,

but I'm in-

I'm in really bad shape.

I was, uh- I was kind of hoping

that you'd help me out.

Well, we'll see

what we can do.

[ Barney]

So, I came home last night,

and what do you know.

My wife of seven years was

in the sack with another guy.

- Yeah, that sounds good.

- No, it's not good.

I-I saw the guy.

I saw him running--

running down the street.

He had this, like, smiley...

tattoo thing on his, uh,

on his, uh-

Okay, sir, listen.

We're gonna take

a break right now.

We'll be back in a few moments

with the answer to our survey,

What is your favorite hole?"

Thanks for calling.

..-~...-~ [jazz On Television]

[Groaning]

I don't wanna talk.

I just came to pick up my-

[ Rubbing Crotch Rapidly]

- Barney'.

- [Keys Clattering]

[ Continues]

No! No!

[Stammering]

It's not what you think.

Way to go, Leon.

You really are a class act.

Well, what can l say, baby?

The ladies, they love Leon Phelps.

[Laughing] What ladies?

Who are these women?

And why do you feel like you

have to sleep with all of them?

Um, let me see.

Have you ever had sex?

Yes, Leon, I've had sex.

- Yes, well, there you go.

- [Laughing]

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