The King of Comedy Page #3

PUPKIN:

Really? Fine. I'm Rupert Pupkin, Jerry.

I know that the name itself doesn't mean

very much to you but it means an awful lot

to me, believe me. Maybe you've seen me

outside your show and wondered who I am.

Well, right now, I'm in communications but,

by nature, I'm a stand-up comedian. I know

what you're thinking -- 'oh no. Not another

one.' And I wouldn't take up even one minute

of your time if I wasn't absolutely convinced

of my talent. I'm really good, Jerry,

believe me, I'm dynamite. Now you're probably

wondering if I'm so good why haven't you

caught my act somewhere, right?

LANGFORD:

Well ...

PUPKIN:

Well, up to now, I've been biding my time,

developing my act slowly and carefully so

that when my big break finally comes, I'm

ready -- like you were that night Paar got

sick and you sat in for him. I was there

that night, in the theater. That was the

most important night of my life, until

tonight, of course.

PUPKIN fishes a cigarette case out of his jacket pocket,

flips it open and offers one to LANGFORD.

LANGFORD:

No thanks. I don't smoke.

PUPKIN returns the pack to his pocket.

PUPKIN:

Me neither. I just carry them as a

courtesy. How about a cough drop?

LANGFORD:

(smiling indulgently)

No thanks. I don't cough.

PUPKIN:

I try not to but sometimes, you know

... Am I making any sense?

LANGFORD:

(smiling)

Go on.

PUPKIN:

Well, that night you did Paar, I walked

out of the theater like I was in a dream.

All of a sudden, I knew what I wanted.

I started catching your guest appearances

on Sullivan and taping them and, when you

got your own show, it got to be a kind of

regular thing. I studied how you built

to your one-liners, nice and relaxed like

you were chatting, and how you delivered

the jokes without leaning too much on

them, without saying "here's the punchline,

folks." And I watched the way you played

off dead audiences, how you let those long

silences build until people couldn't

stand it and then the way you got them

off the hook with that slow smile. You

were my college of comedy, Jerry, like

a kind of teacher, a friend. I know it

sounds crazy, but when you watch someone

every night ... But that's all in the

past. What I'm trying to say is this.

I'm ready now. I've finished the course.

And I'm thinking as we sit here talking

"Is this it? Is this that one big break?"

Is it, Jerry?

There is a long pause.

PUPKIN:

Jerry?

LANGFORD:

Look ... er ... what was the name?

PUPKIN:

I'm Rupert, Jerry.

LANGFORD:

Look, Rupert. I know what you're saying.

But things don't work that way. You can't

just walk onto a network show without any

experience. You've got to start at the

bottom ...

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