The Jeff Dunham Show Page #2

Season #1 Episode #5
Genre: Comedy
Year:
2009
88 Views


Achmed:
Okay, before we get started, I need to do my vocal warm-up exercises. So, Cache, can you give me a "C"? Could you hum that, please?

"Sure, Achmed."

Achmed:
* Fluffy, fluffy puppy, fluffy, fluffy puppy * * The little disabled boy asked for a lolli... *

"So, it looks like here you've just got one ringtone.

Achmed:
Uh, "Silence, I kill you"? That's the only ringtone

you want from me? Is that all you think I am? Some one-trick donkey?

"I'm just gonna need you to do the one, Achmed.

Achmed:
No. I don't have to. Sanjaya? Sanjaya, get in here, and we'll write some new ringtones together.

"You lost all your material, or what?"

Achmed:
I didn't lose any material, I just don't have any. It's just, you know, "I kill you, I kill you, I kill you" I'm sick of that crap.

"Why don't you just yell, "Camel ****"?"

Achmed:
On the phone?! So your phone rings, and it goes: "Camel ****"? Okay, why not? Not bad.

"Okay, Achmed, you want to go through this list of ringtones that yourself and Tony came up with?"

Achmed:
Okey-doke, here we go. Hey, terrorize it up, a**hole!

"Good, I like that. It was great."

Achmed:
Thanks a lot. I need Vitamin Water, please?

"Tony, will you get him a water, please?"

Achmed:
Whatchu talkin' 'bout, infidel? Is that a missile in your pants, or do you have a phone call? I'm surprised you don't have it on vibrate, virgin.

"That was great."

Achmed:
Tony, get a Vitamin Water for me. I'm waiting.

"I still need you to do the "Silence, I kill you" ringtone."

Achmed:
Son of a b*tch! All right, fine. Let's just get this over with. Silence! I kill you!

"There it is."

Achmed:
Who do I have to **** to get a Vitamin Water?You know, I did none of these facing the east. I hope that doesn't matter. Okay, whatever.

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Jeff Dunham

Jeffrey "Jeff" Dunham (born April 18, 1962) is an American ventriloquist and comedian who has also appeared on numerous television shows, including Late Show with David Letterman, Comedy Central Presents, The Tonight Show and Sonny With a Chance. He has six specials that run on Comedy Central: Jeff Dunham: Arguing with Myself, Jeff Dunham: Spark of Insanity, Jeff Dunham's Very Special Christmas Special, Jeff Dunham: Controlled Chaos, Jeff Dunham: Minding the Monsters, and Jeff Dunham: All Over the Map. Dunham also starred in The Jeff Dunham Show, a series on the network in 2009.His style has been described as "a dressed-down, more digestible version of Don Rickles with multiple personality disorder". Describing his characters, Time magazine said, "All of them are politically incorrect, gratuitously insulting and ill tempered." Dunham has been credited with reviving ventriloquism, and doing more to promote the art form than anyone since Edgar Bergen.Dunham has been called "America's favorite comedian" by Slate.com, and according to the concert industry publication Pollstar, he is the top-grossing standup act in North America, and is among the most successful acts in Europe as well. As of November 2009, he has sold over four million DVDs, an additional $7 million in merchandise sales, and received more than 350 million hits on YouTube as of October 2009 (his introduction of Achmed the Dead Terrorist in Spark of Insanity was ranked as the ninth most watched YouTube video at the time). A Very Special Christmas Special was the most-watched telecast in Comedy Central history, with its DVD selling over 400,000 in its first two weeks. Forbes.com ranked Dunham as the third highest-paid comedian in the United States behind Jerry Seinfeld and Chris Rock, and reported that he was one of the highest-earning comics from June 2008 to June 2009, earning approximately $30 million during that period. Dunham also does occasional acting roles. He achieved the Guinness Book of World Records record for "Most tickets sold for a stand-up comedy tour" for his Spark of Insanity tour, performing in 386 venues worldwide. more…

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