The Jeff Dunham Show Page #2
Season #1 Episode #2- Year:
- 2009
- 100 Views
Achmed:
Michaela is not going to fall for this crap. Right, Michaela? She fell for it. I can't believe it. This is the saddest funeral ever. I don't even have a pallbearer.Jeff:
I'll do it for you.Achmed:
Seriously? This is ever so sweet of you.I don't say it enough, Jeff Dunham, But you are the best friend a terrorist could ever... Ow! Son of a b*tch! I kill you from here! Worst pallbearer ever.
Achmed:
Holy crap! Remind me not to make you a pallbearer at my next funeral. You pallbear like a girl.Jeff:
I was just trying to help you. And, by the way, have you heard from Pierre at all?Achmed:
No. I'm not on speaking terms with that garlic-stinking frog.Jeff:
Achmed, why do you hate him so much?Achmed:
He steals everything that's mine.Jeff:
What do you mean?Achmed:
He even took my catchphrase and ruined it.Jeff:
How?Achmed:
He goes up to them, and then says: "Silence! I screw you!"Jeff:
That's too bad.Achmed:
But it's catchy.Peanut:
Hey, it's Peanut. Walter interviews a rock bandAnd then gets examined by a Chinese woman. Both sound hilarious.
Pierre:
Bonjour, mon cherie. I love your look. You're so beautiful, so European. Have you heard of soul mates? My soul wants to mate with yours. Hello?Jeff:
So, Peanut, what is going on with you tonight?Peanut:
Well, now, that I'm a producer on this show...Jeff:
Wait, wait, you're a producer on my show?Peanut:
Ha, no diggity dog. And I was thinking i want to push the envelope with this show. I want to do some cutting-edge stuff. Think outside the trunk.Jeff:
By doing what?Peanut:
Well, started by taking some cameras to a retirement home full of old folks.Jeff:
And what'd you do with 'em?Peanut:
Well, we took 'em snowboarding.Jeff:
How did that turn out?Peanut:
Lawsuits.Jeff:
Did you just sneeze "lawsuits?"Peanuts:
No, I coughed... a**hole!Jeff:
So then what'd you do?Peanut:
Well, then I mixed a little comedy and a little porn and I called it pornmedy. Yep, we did "Grannies Gone Wild."Jeff:
That doesn't sound good.Peanut:
You got that right. You know that thing when you throw up in your mouth just a little bit?Jeff:
Yeah.Peanut:
I threw up a lot.Jeff:
Any other ones that didn't work out?Peanut:
We did "Bubba J's literature Corner."Jeff:
How'd that work out?Peanut:
Well, they spent three hours reading the back of a beer can.Jeff:
Did you do anything that worked?Peanut:
Well, I put Walter in a very uncomfortable situation.Jeff:
That sounds good.Peanut:
Oh, yeah.
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"The Jeff Dunham Show" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 20 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_jeff_dunham_show_24153>.
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