The Jeff Dunham Show Page #2

Season #1 Episode #2
Genre: Comedy
Year:
2009
100 Views


Achmed:
Michaela is not going to fall for this crap. Right, Michaela? She fell for it. I can't believe it. This is the saddest funeral ever. I don't even have a pallbearer.

Jeff:
I'll do it for you.

Achmed:
Seriously? This is ever so sweet of you.

I don't say it enough, Jeff Dunham, But you are the best friend a terrorist could ever... Ow! Son of a b*tch! I kill you from here! Worst pallbearer ever.

Achmed:
Holy crap! Remind me not to make you a pallbearer at my next funeral. You pallbear like a girl.

Jeff:
I was just trying to help you. And, by the way, have you heard from Pierre at all?

Achmed:
No. I'm not on speaking terms with that garlic-stinking frog.

Jeff:
Achmed, why do you hate him so much?

Achmed:
He steals everything that's mine.

Jeff:
What do you mean?

Achmed:
He even took my catchphrase and ruined it.

Jeff:
How?

Achmed:
He goes up to them, and then says: "Silence! I screw you!"

Jeff:
That's too bad.

Achmed:
But it's catchy.

Peanut:
Hey, it's Peanut. Walter interviews a rock band

And then gets examined by a Chinese woman. Both sound hilarious.

Pierre:
Bonjour, mon cherie. I love your look. You're so beautiful, so European. Have you heard of soul mates? My soul wants to mate with yours. Hello?

Jeff:
So, Peanut, what is going on with you tonight?

Peanut:
Well, now, that I'm a producer on this show...

Jeff:
Wait, wait, you're a producer on my show?

Peanut:
Ha, no diggity dog. And I was thinking i want to push the envelope with this show. I want to do some cutting-edge stuff. Think outside the trunk.

Jeff:
By doing what?

Peanut:
Well, started by taking some cameras to a retirement home full of old folks.

Jeff:
And what'd you do with 'em?

Peanut:
Well, we took 'em snowboarding.

Jeff:
How did that turn out?

Peanut:
Lawsuits.

Jeff:
Did you just sneeze "lawsuits?"

Peanuts:
No, I coughed... a**hole!

Jeff:
So then what'd you do?

Peanut:
Well, then I mixed a little comedy and a little porn and I called it pornmedy. Yep, we did "Grannies Gone Wild."

Jeff:
That doesn't sound good.

Peanut:
You got that right. You know that thing when you throw up in your mouth just a little bit?

Jeff:
Yeah.

Peanut:
I threw up a lot.

Jeff:
Any other ones that didn't work out?

Peanut:
We did "Bubba J's literature Corner."

Jeff:
How'd that work out?

Peanut:
Well, they spent three hours reading the back of a beer can.

Jeff:
Did you do anything that worked?

Peanut:
Well, I put Walter in a very uncomfortable situation.

Jeff:
That sounds good.

Peanut:
Oh, yeah.

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Jeff Dunham

Jeffrey "Jeff" Dunham (born April 18, 1962) is an American ventriloquist and comedian who has also appeared on numerous television shows, including Late Show with David Letterman, Comedy Central Presents, The Tonight Show and Sonny With a Chance. He has six specials that run on Comedy Central: Jeff Dunham: Arguing with Myself, Jeff Dunham: Spark of Insanity, Jeff Dunham's Very Special Christmas Special, Jeff Dunham: Controlled Chaos, Jeff Dunham: Minding the Monsters, and Jeff Dunham: All Over the Map. Dunham also starred in The Jeff Dunham Show, a series on the network in 2009.His style has been described as "a dressed-down, more digestible version of Don Rickles with multiple personality disorder". Describing his characters, Time magazine said, "All of them are politically incorrect, gratuitously insulting and ill tempered." Dunham has been credited with reviving ventriloquism, and doing more to promote the art form than anyone since Edgar Bergen.Dunham has been called "America's favorite comedian" by Slate.com, and according to the concert industry publication Pollstar, he is the top-grossing standup act in North America, and is among the most successful acts in Europe as well. As of November 2009, he has sold over four million DVDs, an additional $7 million in merchandise sales, and received more than 350 million hits on YouTube as of October 2009 (his introduction of Achmed the Dead Terrorist in Spark of Insanity was ranked as the ninth most watched YouTube video at the time). A Very Special Christmas Special was the most-watched telecast in Comedy Central history, with its DVD selling over 400,000 in its first two weeks. Forbes.com ranked Dunham as the third highest-paid comedian in the United States behind Jerry Seinfeld and Chris Rock, and reported that he was one of the highest-earning comics from June 2008 to June 2009, earning approximately $30 million during that period. Dunham also does occasional acting roles. He achieved the Guinness Book of World Records record for "Most tickets sold for a stand-up comedy tour" for his Spark of Insanity tour, performing in 386 venues worldwide. more…

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