The Jeff Dunham Show Page #2

Season #1 Episode #3

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Jeff:
This is why we sent Walter to a mac store to learn about technology.

Walter:
I don't need a fancy computer to give someone

a good twitter.

(Beeping)

Walter:
So, Kellen and Jeremy here are going to be my tech guides. Yep, i'm hanging out with a couple of sad nerds for a day. Is it, uh, "nerds" or "virgins"?

"Geeks."

Walter:
Oh. Geeks.

"Yeah."

Walter:
You smell like pot.

"What do you know about the internet, Walter?"

Walter:
Uh, it's a fad. I give it three months, tops.

"It's the ultimate resource, for, like, finding information

on anything and i-i do mean anything."

Walter:
it's all driven by porn, isn't it?

"You can accidentally happen upon some fetishes and so forth."

Walter:
Oh, yeah, that's the excuse i give my wife. "oh, i didn't mean to click on bigthingys.com."

"Exactly. That's a great excuse."

Walter:
So, look, i've been trying to figure out, there's something about you that gives me the heebie-jeebies. At first i thought it might be your hair, and then i realized, "nope, it's definitely your hair." so, what does your girlfriend think of your rat nest fez hat?

"I am, uh... i don't have a girlfriend, Walter."

Walter:
Shocker.

"Uh, so, Walter, this is ichat. It's a video chat program. It's going to enable you to chat with anyone in the world.

Walter:
Hello? Hello? Where's the camera?

"So, the camera is right up here in the top of the screen."

Walter:
What if i walk around the house naked?

"Uh, well, if-if you're in the camera frame, it could pick

that up as well."

Walter:
Wow. Nope. Wouldn't fit. Ha! Get it?

"I get it. I get it."

Walter:
Could i talk to somebody else now?

"Sure, sure. Absolutely."

Walter:
Hey, Jose, this is my friend Jeremy.

Jose:
Wow. hola, señor Jeremy. Is he a virgin?

Walter (whispers): Yes.

Jose:
Does he have the canja?

Walter:
(whispers): Yes.

"This one's called, call of duty: modern warfare. Let's kill some people."

(gun firing, man groans)

Walter:
Whoa! This- this is a little more intense than frogger. Holy crap! Son of a (bleep). (bleep) hit me in the head. Come back here you (bleep) A**hole. Kick your ass!

Hey, when the race wars go down, i want you on my team. I never want to stop playing this game, ever.

Walter:
Wow. me and the two studs here learned a lot today about the latest, most cutting-edge computer gadgets of the future. Pencils in hand, let's review.

Today, i learned i liked the Lady Gaga. I learned that Kellen spends his breaks doing something . called whip-its. I finally convinced Kellen to get his hair cut. I learned Jose might be running a cockfighting ring out of Jeff's house. Now that Kellen doesn't look like a serial killer,

maybe he'll get a little stank on the hang low. Well i hope you learned a lot tonight on Walter's technology minute,

and if you didn't, good night and get over it.

Rate this script:4.2 / 5 votes