The Interview Page #2

You are the Gandalf

to my Bilbo Baggins.

But of all The Lord of the Rings

references I could make...

...this is the most important:

I am Gollum.

And you're my precious.

Smagol needs Aaron.

One Ring to rule them all!

And in the darkness bind them.

Now, get up here! Get up here!

- Come up here, buddy. I love you

- Okay.

- I f***ing love you

- I love-

- Hey.

- Hey.

Jake.

Hey.

Yeah, like, what's that?

Come on, man, what's happening?

- Hey, yeah. What's happening?

- How's it going, dude?

We haven't seen each other

since graduation. Right?

Yeah. Probably.

And, wait, am I wrong? You're

a junior producer on 60 Minutes, right?

- I'm now a senior producer. Yeah.

- No way, man. That's awesome.

Look at us.

Both producing news for television.

Yeah.

- What was that?

- Nothing.

It was something. What's thejoke?

You've got your job, I've got mine.

But they're different.

Yours is cool.

Mine's just a little more serious

What? We have the same job.

I report real news.

You know, stuff that matters.

You report on all the cool:

"Who's getting new b*obs?"

And the fun eating-disorder stuff.

You really helped build up

60 Minutes too, right?

- it's only been on for 80 f***ing years.

- Look, I'm sorry.

I shouldn't say this,

but we got an opening at 60 Minutes.

- And we could use somebody like you.

- Are you serious?

I'm f***ing with you, man. Come on!

You'd be eaten alive at our office.

I'm gonna catch up with these guys,

but cheers, man, congrats.

Or whatever.

When did the hair begin to go?

I would say, around The Outsiders.

When you're ready.

I don't think I'll ever be ready, but....

Oh, wig's coming off.

Oh, Jesus f***.

Why does he keep the long pieces?

His head looks like somebody's taint.

- You barely look different.

- Thanks, man.

You said you were bald.

I see a little stuff on top.

- So freeing!

- Rob.

Is there anything that you would like

to say to America?

Good evening. I'm Phillip Sterling

with a UBS News special report.

Kim Jong-uns military forces...

...targeted an uninhabited

South Pacino island...

...with a 15-megaton

thermonuclear ICBM.

We're not live anymore.

- They cut our feed,

- Off the air?!

Goddamn it!

Rob, put your f***ing wig on.

They f***ed us. Goddamn it!

What's going on?

Dude, seriously, what is up with you?

Know how I'm good

at picking up energies?

You're shooting off a slightly cunty vibe

right now. What's going on?

We have millions of viewers every night

and what do we do?

We just shovel sh*t into their faces.

We could be doing something positive.

We could be having on authors,

activists, politicians.

That's what people want.

"Give us some sh*t. Mangia.

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