The Inbetweeners Page #3

Fine! Just popped a bit of my sister's

fake tan on, get it started, you know.

Just on your face?

Well... It's on my hands now too.

All right? Who's this, then, the vicar?

Me? No, no, I'm Kevin. I'm Neil's father.

Nice to meet you.

Where's Neil been hiding you, then?

The church?

- Looks like a bloody vicar, don't he?

- No, no, I'm not a vicar.

No, I know that. But you look like

a vicar and you talk like a vicar.

A bloody gay vicar, or something!

Well, I'm not a vicar and I'm not gay.

No, I'm saying you look gay.

But you can't be, can you? Cos old

soppy bollocks here come out your pipe.

Right, I see.

Well, gotta get going.

Don't want you to miss that flight.

Bye-bye, Pookie Petal. Love you, mwah!

Oh, and Jay? If you're gonna spend

your grandad's money chasing skirt,

two things. One, make sure she's not

a hound like the last one.

And two, try to be a man when she dumps

you for someone with a bigger cock...

...which is everyone!

Dad!

Dads are like arseholes.

Everyone's got one, yes,

but also, they're arseholes. Which is why

they make excellent cab drivers.

Takes me back, all this -

cheap flights at ungodly hours.

Where is it you're headed to again?

Simon never tells me anything.

- Malia, Mr Cooper, in Greece.

- Can't say I've heard of it.

Of course you haven't,

it's a cool place to go.

And it's got a Subway's.

Oh, right. In my day,

it was all about Spain.

Me and my mates went to Magaluf

this one time.

Shagaluf, we called it!

Should've called it Shagalot. And hard.

Anything that moved.

We had a system.

Always left a hat on the bedroom door

when one of us got lucky.

Was usually me.

Oh, Dad, please shut up!

I don't know what it is,

but you'll find girls just seem to

let themselves go a bit more abroad.

It's like as soon as they smell

the sun cream, they get wet.

- Your mother's the same, even now.

- Oh, God, just drop us here!

I was learning a lot

about holidays.

And not just what they did

to Mrs Cooper's front bottom.

I was also learning

that on a lads' holiday,

it's compulsory to wear

"hilarious" matching T-shirts.

Here y'are.

Nice!

Right, you owe me 12 quid each.

Except for you, Will, you owe me 20.

Right, so I've got to pay more money

for a T-shirt I didn't ask for

and I'm not going to wear, cos it carries

a nickname I didn't know I had?

- Yes.

- Great

# Come on, come on, come on, come on

# Got my peeps standing with me

at the bar doing shots

# Cos now we're so f***ing plastered

we don't know when to stop

# I got my peeps standing with me

and I'm having a blast

# I'm feeling so f***ing good right now

I want it to last

# I'm at the bar and I see this chick

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