The Humbling Page #2

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- Not do what?

- Write when I talk.

It's like, you're doing a play,

and all of a sudden the audience

is writing in the program.

That's why I hate opening nights

because the f***ing critics go in there,

and they're writing,

they're writing in their pads,

- and writing everywhere and you see them.

- You don't like it when people write things?

Yeah, well, it bothers me.

Hello, Oliver.

- How are you doing?

- What are you doing?

- Oh, these will help you sleep.

- No, no, that doesn't work.

No, trust me. These are different.

Acting is what I do.

It always came easy to me.

I never had a problem with it.

You know, it was just like...

They say, "To the men are born."

I was born with it. I love the stage.

I love being on the stage.

I was always, like, myself.

You know, and I was very...

natural, you know.

It was like home, being on the stage.

The fall was a gradual one.

I think it really started

when I lost track of...

what I... what I would

call my... my craft.

There are a lot of things, you know,

you can deal with, but your craft,

I mean, it's sort of like a musician

losing his ability to...

to play the keys.

I know it's happened to great

musicians before, but...

how about losing your ear?

And I don't mean like Beethoven,

I mean, like...

that's what I felt about losing...

my... my gift...

my talent.

It just started to recede.

Mainly the desire, I think.

The appetite to do it started to...

fade, or... I don't know.

I lost track of it.

Anyway, you know, you...

you're not prepared for that

kind of thing. It sort of...

the writing's on the wall

for other things,

like you're going to lose your friends.

You know, what do they

say about athletes?

First their legs go,

their knees, then their money goes,

then their friends go.

So, you know that stuff, but...

the inability to...

remember words...

How did that happen?

I mean, I actually would be in a play,

just the other day...

and I...

I would be saying lines

from a play I did ten years ago,

which was a totally different play.

And of course,

that's really unsettling.

The audiences start to... to...

I'm not alone here.

You're listening to what I'm saying.

Does this interest you in any way?

So I can go on? I feel like I'm...

hogging everything here.

I don't know what else I can say

except that it got really bad,

worse and worse.

When... when the audiences started...

When the audiences started to, you know,

recede and not want to...

participate with me... anymore.

Sensing what was happening...

it was just too much to take. I...

I just didn't...

I lost something that I had all my life.

It was gone.

Like, just gone, like magic.

And I...

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