The House Where Evil Dwells

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1

[Crickets chirping]

[Insects buzzing]

[Japanese lute playing]

[Chime jingling]

[Sword coming out of sheath]

[Grunts]

[Disembodied, slow-motion cries]

[Sword slicing off arm]

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

[Grunts]

[Wind howling]

[Chime jingles]

[Airplanes taking off]

[Airplane taking off]

[Woman speaking Japanese

indistinctly over P.A. system]

[Speaks Japanese]

[Audience on TV clapping]

MAN:
Alex.

ALEX:
Ted.

Thank you for taking

the time to meet us.

Hey, Alex.

How are you?

I wouldn't miss this for the world.

Oh, Amy.

You haven't seen Amy

since she was a baby.

I don't believe it.

[Speaking Japanese]

Mommy, what did he say?

Ask him.

What did you say?

I said, "Welcome, dear Amy,"

in Japanese.

Want me to teach you Japanese?

Sure!

- Come on, let's go.

- [Woman laughs]

How do you feel?

Tired, tired.

- Still a bachelor?

- Oh, yeah.

- Oh, God.

- You got a special lady.

I haven't been able to find one.

You're a lucky man.

You're not as lucky as I am.

This way, baby.

ALEX:

Oh, this way.

[Car horn honking]

ALEX:
Well, it sure is good

to see my best friend again.

Alex, did you have any luck

finding us a place to live?

You bet.

Now, listen, Ted, I know

you're into Japanese folklore

and the like,

but you weren't fantasizing

when you said you wanted

an old Japanese style house?

Not at all, no, not at all.

That's exactly

what we wanted, isn't it, honey?

Oh, yeah. Traditional.

When in Japan,

live as the Japanese do.

Well, that's exactly what I did.

I found you a dream house.

It's over 200 years old.

It's got a thatched roof.

It sits on the side of a hill.

Oh, that sounds beautiful.

I hate to ask this question, but...

How much?

47,000 yen a month.

Sounds expensive.

That's about $250, American.

Heh, that's not bad.

That's not bad at all.

Well, the reason I got

the house so cheap is, uh,

the house is supposed to be haunted.

Haunted by what?

Don't worry about it, honey,

modern ghosts are friendly ghosts.

Sounds perfect, Alex.

Well, it'll be good for him.

Help you with your research.

There might be

an interesting story in it.

TED:
Yeah.

[Chattering]

[Man laughs]

See that roof? They don't

make them like that anymore.

Amy, Amy!

First lesson in Japan.

You always take your shoes off

before you go in the house.

- [Alex chuckles]

- LAURA:
Okay, one second.

LAURA:

Here. Now you're good.

- I think she's excited.

- Yeah!

How would you like

a second honeymoon?

I'd love that.

ALEX:
Hey, come on, you two,

you've got plenty of time for that.

Let me show you around the house.

- Watch your head, Ted!

- [Both giggling]

- Hello, Alex-san.

- [Alex speaks Japanese]

- Konichiwa.

- Konichiwa.

Good afternoon.

The house is clean, top-to-bottom.

Electricity and telephone connected,

as you instructed.

Arigato.

Thank you for your courtesy,

and my friends thank you, too.

- Thank you.

- Don't mention it.

Now I say good-bye.

- See you again!

' [Speaks Japanese]

Amy, look.

Honey, look, look at this.

Alex, this is terrific.

- ALEX:
Beautiful, well done.

- Sweetheart?

Ta-dah!

[Laura laughs]

- ALEX:
It's western, Laura.

- I'm glad about that, Alex.

ALEX:
That's your bedroom

on the right.

- Amy, yours is straight ahead.

- LAURA:
Oh...

ALEX:
Go ahead, Amy,

open the door.

- LAURA:
Oh, sweetheart.

- Mom!

This is your bedroom.

AMY:
There's no bed

in my bedroom!

- Oh, yes there is!

- Really?

There will be a bed in the closet.

AMY:
Why do they keep

the mattress hanging?

LAURA:
There!

LAURA and TED:

Because it's Japan.

Then you have a whole room

to play in.

AMY:
I found them very weird.

TED:

Okay, I just found my study.

Good.

- AMY:
Is it real?

- [Knocks on wood]

- AMY:
It's real.

- LAURA:
It's real.

LAURA:
Ah.

Honey, look.

Alex?

- Alex, how can we thank you enough?

- You don't have to thank me.

I'm just glad you like it.

- Now, here. Amy? Laura?

- Oh, thank you, Uncle Alex.

[Knocks on wood]

What have you done,

what have you done?

[Alex laughs]

What do you think's

in here, Mommy?

LAURA:
Don't you think

you've clone enough?

Now presents as well?

Just some housewarming gifts.

For my favorite family.

What is this?

- TED:
God, I'm thirsty.

- Oh!

[Whistles]

- TED:
Ah...

- [Alex chuckles]

- Sake.

- LAURA:
Sake.

Laura?

Thank you.

- Pal?

- [Pouring liquid]

Thank you.

Heh. Kampai.

- You could have said...

- [Laughter]

- Kampai.

- Kampai.

- [Alex exhales]

- LAURA:
Mmm.

Well, that's nice.

Thank you for taking the time,

getting us here, settling us in.

As I said,

I wouldn't miss it for the world.

I know you have jet lag,

you're tired and...

- You get out of here.

- All right.

- You've taken enough time.

- My pleasure.

- ALEX:
I got to get back out there.

- LAURA:
Oh!

- I'm sorry, I...

- LAURA:
That's all right.

I'm really not that clumsy.

- LAURA:
Let me see.

- ALEX:
No, it's all right.

It must be one of those ghosts

we were talking about.

Oh, please don't say that.

Come on, let's say good-bye

to Uncle Alex.

- Come on.

- LAURA:
Come on.

Ted!

LAURA:
Ted! Ted!

What, what?

The light went off.

Well, why didn't you turn it back on?

Well, of course I did that.

But it went off again by itself.

[Both chuckle]

I know that.

I did that already.

It's probably

just a defective switch, honey,

or the plug is loose or something.

- Hold me.

- It's all right. It's all right.

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