The Holiday Page #2

rather important announcement.

Now, this affects Iris.

- Iris Simpkins, where are you?

- Here, sir.

- Iris, I have a tip for you.

- Excellent.

A wedding was privately

announced earlier today...

...that I don't believe any other paper

in town knows about.

And I want you to be the first to report

on this particular union...

...as it is between two of our

most esteemed colleagues.

May I introduce the newly engaged

Sarah Smith-Alcott...

...and Jasper Bloom!

Come on.

If I had known this was going

to happen, I'd have worn my good suit.

Amanda!

Amanda.

Look, may I just say again...

...that I did not sleep with her?

Right, because your receptionist

needs to work till 3 in the morning.

A bunch of us were working all night.

She wanted to hang out.

Okay. Then swear on my life

that you didn't sleep with her.

Come on.

Go ahead.

Look, I don't wanna...

I'm not gonna...

Your receptionist, Ethan?

This is why I knew we were smart

never to get married.

I told you never to get rid

of your house.

Somewhere inside

I knew this about you.

First of all, can you please

calm down?

Because I did not

sleep with her.

Secondly, we've had problems

for over a year.

And I know you don't wanna deal

with that, but we have.

Oh, I am well aware we've

had problems for the last year.

If I work a little bit too much,

I never stop hearing about it.

But if you work too much,

maestro...

...it's for the sake of your music.

- "Lf" you work too much?

Amanda, you cut

You put a cutting room in the house

and sleep with your BlackBerry.

And I'm not gonna have

a conversation about sex...

...because I can't remember

the last time we did it.

Come on, nobody has time for sex.

That's not entirely true.

That's it!

You absolutely slept with her!

Seriously, you have to get out.

Oh, God.

You know what I really think, Ethan?

- I don't think you ever really loved me.

- Oh, please.

You loved the idea of you and me, but

not so much me. Not me, not really.

Look, I did the best I could.

Is anybody good enough for that job?

I will send you your things.

You know you do this, right?

I mean, you screw up

every relationship you've ever been in.

It's what you do.

You didn't really wanna be a couple!

You resist it in your own way!

Shut up!

And it's hard to detect

how you even do it...

...because nobody's quite

as smart as you!

So you're hard to catch at it.

But it always surfaces

and this is what happens.

- What happens?

- Things end.

Just like you knew they would.

Amanda, you know how I feel

about you. There's nobody like you.

You just don't wanna be

what I need.

- Well, not what I "need."

- What?

I mean...

You know what I mean.

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