The Guilt Trip Page #2

- You gotta do it!

I don't want to go there.

I am telling you, you will be

the belle of the ball.

More like the belle

of the "bald."

I don't need it.

I'm very happy.

Got more frogs

since Thanksgiving, huh, Ma?

Yeah, you can't imagine

how many places sell frogs.

I hope you're drinking water, Andy.

Good. Good boy.

Because I'm up to six bottles

a day now. You know?

It's very good for your skin.

Good. That's why I'm doing it.

I'm so glad you do that, honey.

What are you doing right now?

I'm refilling my water bottle.

'Cause it's silly to

pay big prices

for a case of bottles,

basically, you know,

when you can use this

over and over again.

So you're really gonna

drive cross-country

for these meetings?

Yeah. All the way

to Vegas, yeah.

You seeing anyone?

No. Not at the moment.

No? I thought you were seeing that girl

with the exotic name.

'Yes!

Bethany. What happened to her?

Yeah, that just didn't really

work out. You know...

So what about the one before her?

The Oriental.

That is not remotely

an acceptable term anymore, and...

I don't know,

it just didn't work out.

You'd think one of them

would have worked out by now, hmm?

What about you?

Are you seeing anyone at the moment?

Andy, please don't be disgusting.

You want me to go to one of Gayle's

miserable singles events?

That's what you want?

You want me whoring myself out?

Put on a thong?

I'm going to sleep now, Ma.

Yeah.

I took out the old home movies and

I thought we would watch it together.

You know, I just...

I'm not adjusted yet.

I'm still jet lagged. I just...

- I understand. Yeah.

- Good night.

Good night, honey!

I bought some underwear for you

at the Gap.

Okay-

We can return it

tomorrow if it doesn't fit!

That's pretty gross.

- They know me there!

- Okay.

Can I turn this thing off?

We've been doing

this for two hours.

Just a few more

minutes, okay?

Look how cute he is.

Look, Ma, I'm sorry...

How long do you want

me to film this?

You are the best boy.

The most perfect boy in the world.

Do you know that?

Like Mommy tells

you every night,

if all the little boys

in the world were lined up

and I could only pick one,

I'd pick you every time.

I love you, Andy.

You're my perfect boy.

All right. This will be good for you.

A little adventure.

All right.

This is ridiculous.

Come on, Mom.

Just give it a shot. it could be fun.

Did you just ask if I hiked?

No! I don't hike. Sorry.

Try the skinny one in the corner.

She looks sporty.

Don't talk to me though,

because I'm thinking.

You couldn't even try, Ma?

I mean, you're never going to

meet a man like that.

Dad died when I was

eight years old.

You haven't been on one date

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