The Grand Page #2

---

from the chip leader.

[chuckling]

Okay. Here, beat that.

[Phil Gordon]

Let's take a peek

at the river.

Terrible catch

for Daniel Negreanu.

Harold makes

the straight.

I was a 2-to-1 underdog,

and the pot paid me 11 to 1.

Not a bad

risk-return ratio.

[laughing awkwardly]

You play poorly.

[blender whirring]

Harold can't cook.

And he's very particular

about what he eats, you know?

Please tell me

this is not gravy.

Oh, you know

it's not gravy.

It's mushroom barley soup--

your favorite, honey.

It's so stupid

that you don't use

more efficient

cooking utensils.

I've lived with my mother

since I was born.

I live with her

because it is convenient

and because it is

difficult for me

to take care of myself.

I'll probably

be stuck with her

for the rest of my life.

Or the rest of her life

because she's

much older than me.

She will die first.

Ruth, if I were

a food critic,

I would give your

cooking five stars--

five stars that if each

collapsed into a black hole

and merged to form

the largest black hole

in the universe.

If I won this tournament,

I would buy a real house

with secret rooms

and shifting

mirrored passageways

and a garden labyrinth,

all of which would serve

to disorient Ruth

and make it more difficult

for her to find me.

The kitchen is such a mess.

I gotta clean it up later.

We used to have a maid.

She lasted two weeks.

Harold couldn't

tolerate her.

[Harold]

I have pet peeves.

I hate stinks.

I hate breath stink,

I hate body stink,

I hate pee stink,

like from when you take

a lot of supplements

or vitamins,

which I take a lot of those,

so my urine smells very bad.

Now, all this stuff

is brain food for him.

I don't know what

the f*** anything is,

but I do exactly

what he wants me to do.

One thing I would like

to talk about is the Mentats

from the motion picture Dune.

I like the Mentats because

they're the human computers.

The Mentat oath

is the following:

It is by will alone

I set my mind in motion.

It is by the juice of Sapho

that thoughts acquire speed,

the lips acquire stains,

the stains become a warning.

It is by will alone

I set my mind in motion.

I say the Mentat oath

before I drink

my brain juice...

because it makes me

feel like a Mentat.

[giggling, yelling]

Hi, Lois.

[Lainie]

I'll play in

the Ladies' Tournament.

If those fucktards want to

make it easy for me, fine.

You know, poker's been, like,

awesome because we've--

It's been very good.

It's been very good to us.

Yes, yeah.

I know it's--

It's hard, but it's--

It can be hard.

Yeah, it's something.

It's hard on the kids

and on Fred, I think.

I'm at home now

with the kids.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes