The Full Treatment

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Alan.

You can't really believe

this man's going to make a 100% recovery.

I did say "in due course."

After a depressed fracture of the skull,

cerebral contusion and...

Four weeks unconscious,

and six months on his back.

We know all that.

The point is you now

think he's fit enough

to be sent charging off

to the south of France.

It isn't just physical injuries.

The man's emotionally unstable.

Who isn't these days?

His nerve's gone,

there are gaps in his memory...

They'll probably fill in.

He's not like you and me, Roberts.

These racing boys are tough.

So are insurance companies when

it comes to minimising the claim.

I really ought to

resent that remark.

You were meant to.

It's a miracle Colby's alive at all.

The truck driver isn't.

It's a common complaint with people

who drive on the wrong side.

If you remember, the truck

was on the wrong side.

Perhaps your consultation fee

will cheer you up.

- Thanks.

- And stop worrying about Colby.

You'll see. A month in the sun

and a honeymoon, he'll be a new man.

And his wife will enjoy it.

Would you enjoy a honeymoon with

a post-concussional patient?

That's an

extremely improper suggestion.

Lento, vai lento!

Very slowly.

I'll never do it.

But this is the first time.

To do three kilometres the first time.

Alan Colby does three kilometres

at 14.2 miles per hour.

Look, you men make me tired.

You have no patience.

You've got to do everything now.

Right away.

- Va, va, va, quick, quick, quick!

- Denise!

I can't!

I'll never pass it.

You must try, Alan.

Hold the wheel!

Denise! Hold the wheel.

You can do it, Alan, on your own!

You can do it.

You did it, Alan!

You did it!

You see?

Everything will be all right now.

Look at these hands.

Let me hold them

for you instead.

It's not going to be

much of a honeymoon, is it?

It's the honeymoon I want.

I'm not worried.

Take your glasses off.

Now say that again.

Say what?

That you're not worried.

I'm not worried, tesoro.

I did three kilometres, didn't I?

And you passed that camion.

Alan!

Attenzione, Signor Colby, for an invalid

you are attempting too much at once.

Oh, prova!

Prende tutte la strada disgraziati!

Oh, English drivers.

Did I hurt you?

Oh, no! But you...

Now, we find

the Chteau de Sorel.

Er, Cannes, Cte d'Antibes...

- Hey!

- Ah! Here...

Sorry.

Continental drivers.

Hey, is this as

expensive as it looks?

Ah! No. We have

out-of-season rates.

And also on top of that

I hit them down.

Beat them down.

Er... portez les bagages

dans l'htel, s'il vous plat.

Oui, monsieur.

Well, all right, so I speak

French like a tourist.

The trouble is, you inhibit me.

But you could speak it

so well if you tried.

Never. You have to have

the right kind of tongue.

The kind that slides

around the accents.

Mine was never

any good at that.

- Hello, wife.

- Oh! Alan. Please.

- Bonjour m'sieurs-dames!

- Ah, bonjour, bonjour!

My name is Colby.

We have a reservation.

Ah, Mr Colby, but of course.

You're like your photographs.

Mmm, is that good?

Monsieur Colby,

c'est au dix-huit.

Yes. We give you

the best room in the hotel.

Would you like to see it now?

Or maybe first perhaps

a little apritif?

Ah! First a little drink,

double scotch.

All right.

And you, Madame?

- Pastis, s'il vous plat.

- Pastis, certainement, madame.

- If you will, on the terrace.

- Merci.

And afterwards you will see

your room. It is beautiful.

As long as it has a bed.

Better, monsieur.

It has two beds.

Two beds?

Well, who asked for two beds?

But, darling, what...

No, no.

I want to know about this.

I want to know,

who asked for two beds?

But monsieur,

it's simple to change things.

You bet it's simple.

But who asked for them?

Did you?

Denise!

Denise!

Look at me.

Did they tell you

not to sleep with me?

- Alan!

- What did those doctors tell you?

- Alan, you're hurting me.

- Did they say two beds?

No, of course they didn't.

Oh, no.

Of course they didn't.

It's probably dawned on you,

you have a slightly mixed-up husband.

I have a very bad patient

who should take things easy, huh?

Two more days of this

and you won't know me.

Let's go and have

a look at the plage.

Ah, no, Signor Colby. You've already

done too much for one day.

- We'll go back and finish...

- Hey, wait a minute.

What in the world's that?

Le tlphrique, monsieur.

To the plage.

What, you mean we go

down to the beach on that thing?

You can walk,

but walking is slower.

And much safer.

Oh, come on. Let's try it.

Oh, no, Alan.

Come on. Look.

Hey, watch it.

You're rocking the boat.

But you'll get dizzy.

Look, I gotta get used to it

sooner or later.

Come on, there's another seat.

Ah, no. Tomorrow, huh?

Monsieur will show madame

how good is the tlphrique.

- Hey!

- Alan!

- Arrtez-le, arrtez le cabine!

- Impossible, madame, le banc arrive la plage.

Don't worry.

I'm all right.

Hey, hey!

Sit down, man!

Hey, sit down, unless you want

to decapitate yourself.

- Bonjour, monsieur.

- Bonjour.

Achetez-moi des poulpes.

Regardez-les! Tout frais de la mer.

Octopus, no?

Table march, monsieur!

No, no...

Monsieur, regardez!

Monsieur!

Monsieur, c'est le meilleur!

C'est le plus haut!

No.

Moi aussi, je suis bien

d'accord avec vous.

Je ne les aime pas,

les poulpes.

Mais, tous les touristes,

ils ont l'air de les aimer.

IIs sont compltement gaga.

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