The Fountain of Youth

---

Orson Welles speaking.

How'd you like to stay just as young as

you are an not to grow a day older?

For the next, two hundred years.

Oh, I'm not plugging some

new miracle cosmetic.

The question is actually faced

by the characters in our

story, two men and a girl.

The eternal triangle, plus eternal youth

equals a wacky little romance

which we'll bring you, if we

may, in just a few seconds.

I hope you enjoy it.

The Fountain of Youth.

Back in the twenties,

Dr. Humphrey Baxter was

hailed as the discoverer of the

scientific fountain of youth.

But we may start of with

the girl in case, here she is

As of course she's Caroline

Coates, the world famous actress.

Actress is a word some of you

may question for she was

not strictly speaking an actress

at all, Caroline was simply

One of those creatures who stands

for something greater than

talent, greater than

beauty and whose

universe do we adore

A privileged few, of

course adored Caroline

at close range and, if you excuse

the expression, in the flesh.

One of these was Alan Brody,

a tennis champion. Here he is.

Science tells us that

men of this time fall

quickly and painless in and out of love.

Others, like Dr. Baxter,

here he is again,

a man born for one passion only

at most two, a passion for

their job and for one woman.

They never give up.

Men of this type frequently

devote themselves to science

and if interested in certain

function of the glands

this often takes them to Vienna.

Wait a minute!

We are getting a-head of our

stills. Before going to Vienna

Humphrey Baxter spent

an evening in New York

His friends the Morgans took

him to the theater to see a show

which was also, very indirectly

concerned with the glands.

Humphrey leaned forward in his seat,

the moment passed unnoticed because,

everyone else in the theater

also leaned forward.

- You happen to know that

girl? He asked his friend.

- Why, Hupmhrey, they said

- How would people like us

get to know anybody like Caroline Coates.

Humphrey realized that he'd need

only two or three introductions

to breach the gap between oneself

and anyone anywhere in the world.

He asked everyone he knew stating

his purpose very clearly, and

sure enough, not long after that, there

he was in fashionable Long Island.

Talking to Caroline Coates.

He found her amazingly ignorant

of the man's important

recent scientific research.

And you can imagine the effect of

this gone to gosh young man lecturing

of this popular idol of twenty three

on the doctor's glands.

Caroline's smart friends were amused...

and then amazed

for she had fallen hand

over heels in love

- Who are you calling dear?

- Letty Partridge

Who?

Hello, Letty? I want you to be the

first to know, we are getting married.

- Wonderful darling, who is it?

- Baxter, the gland man.

The grand man! Oh, gland.

Well, Caroline! How nice for you!

I think I mentioned that the title of this

crazy little odd story is,

the fountain of youth.

Of course there are all sorts of fountains

some are beautiful, some are

purely mythological, some are silly fountains

it was near a silly fountain that the

mythological Narcissus was drowned.

It was his own reflection he

fell for and he fell in.

Of course the silliest of all,

is the fountain of youth.

Old Ponce de Leon thought that one was

somewhere down in Florida, this was

three centuries before the

invention of Miami Beach.

He aged a lot looking for

it, but he was only human.

Almost all of us wish we were

just a little younger that we are.

Ladies, quite late in their seventies can

be heard addressing each other "girls".

Very rich old ladies even

rich old gents of? on

monkey glands and a wisp of hope of

turning the clock back or at least

slowing it up a bit. In this

field, of course, was

Humphrey specialized in.

By now, Humphrey really

had to go back to Vienna.

To continue his research on this Bingleburg.

- Bingle who?

Asked Carolyn.

- Burg, said Humphrey, Burg.

The Bingleburg, the greatest of all

authorities on the duclos glands

- Oh, said Carolyn.

Oh? And how long are you going to be

away with this, Bingleburg, sweetie?

- Three years. - Three years,

on the other side of the ocean.

Yeah...

I wish you'd, change your mind.

Darling, I'd like to get married now

just as much as you would, but...

but I simply can not walk out on

a new show and leave everybody flat!

- Besides -I know, you're in a

smash hit and you love it.

I know you think I'm just greedy

to have a fuzz made over me.

I never suggested such a thing.

But that's what you think.

And if you didn't you'd be crazy

because I am just a little

But I promise you darling, if I ever

feel it getting a real hold on me.

And what do you think a

real hold feels like?

Like this?

Humphrey's boat sailed

and Caroline was more

idolized than ever,

everyone expected her

to fall in love but

first year passed, second year passed,

third year wore on and Carolyn was still

faithful and with two

excellent reasons for this.

She was so extremely fond of Humphrey

and she was so extremely fond of herself.

When the three years were over,

Humphrey Baxter was on a boat

and the boat was docking.

Now for weeks

he had a picture in his

mind of how she looked

and since this was in the 1920's

he costumed her in silver fox

and violets.

On the landing dock he saw

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