The Final Girls

Welcome

to Camp Blue Finch,

where romance in the sun

can turn deadly!

Best summer ever!

This is the summer

that's going to

change your life.

Where

the days are warm...

Hey, Nance,

that guitar is choice.

Thanks, Blake.

Bitching hair.

...the girls are cool...

Did I miss

the Kumbaya circle?

...the nights are always hot.

And evil lurks

around every corner.

Gosh, you startled me.

So, I just go down

that path all the way?

A guy like you can go

anywhere he wants.

- And any moment,

- Billy can strike.

They won't be singing Kumbaya.

They'll be

screaming Kum Ba No!

Pack your bags

for Camp Bloodbath...

You just messed

with the wrong virgin.

...where the

only marshmallow

that will roast

is your sanity.

Well, they'll

let me know.

You know you're too good

for this crap, right?

The casting director

was all like, "I know

you from somewhere."

And I went, "Really?

Oh, it's probably

"my arc on CSI as

a bipolar mistress."

And he's like,

"No, I got it.

Camp Bloodbath."

Am I ever going to

live that movie down?

I mean, it was

20 years ago.

Honestly, if you

ever become an actor,

don't ever do

a slasher flick.

You wouldn't catch

me dead in a movie.

You're the actress here.

Damn straight.

And I'm no actress.

I'm a movie star.

Mel's?

Mel's.

Let's rock and roll.

So, we owe

the electric company

$174.88 by next Monday...

You remember Frank?

He told me he was

going to take me

to Palm Springs

this weekend.

No message.

No text.

No surprise.

You know, it's just

he said we were exclusive.

Well, he said it,

he doesn't act like it.

Whatever.

What do I know?

You must think

I'm a total zero.

Screw him, Mom.

And screw his shady

hotel in Palm Springs.

Oh, my God.

Look at you

taking care of me.

What happened to

that little girl

I used to dance with

in the backyard?

She grew up and is

trying to figure out

where this $174

is gonna come from.

What are you doing?

Are you crazy?

Our song!

Mom. We need to

figure this out.

You're such a dork.

Everything in my

life, I got wrong.

But you,

I got you right.

I love you.

You know that, right?

What?

Nothing.

Nothing.

Max, those are

really expensive...

Gertie's here.

Coming, Aunt Pearl.

So, when Chris

asked you to study,

was he like,

"I want you

to come study"?

Or was he like,

"I want you to come.

"Study."

Please. I'm only going,

so I don't flunk Classics.

Come on, you know

that he broke up with

Vicki last week, right?

And she is a mess.

Have you seen the veiled

suicide note/poem

she posted on

her Facebook page?

It's so hilarious.

I read it out

loud to myself.

A lot.

Hmm.

Hey, just keep on

keeping on.

What does that even mean?

Something my therapist

tells me all the time.

You have a therapist?

Mmm-hmm.

Does that

help you deal?

Mmm. No, not really.

She's a physical

therapist, so...

Okay. So, the

myth of Persephone.

Max, you want

to take this one?

Sure.

She's the

daughter of Zeus

and she eats

pomegranate seeds,

and then

Hades kidnaps her

to the underworld.

Yeah. Okay, good.

So, they go back

to the underworld

and Persephone

is freaking out,

and Hermes is like,

"It's okay, it's okay.

"Just keep looking forward,

"or we'll be

stuck here forever."

Max, do you want to jot

any of this down or...

Oh, no, it's okay, Max.

I've already got a copy.

You can copy from me later

or I can give it to you

if you... If you want.

I'm gonna stop talking.

Oh, sh*t.

Max, hey, wait.

Did you not get

my messages?

Duncan. No.

Please, come on. Please.

Seriously, no.

The Bath-maticians

were so excited

when I told them

that Amanda Cartwright's

daughter was my sister's

best friend.

Step-sister.

Why would you say that?

That's so hurtful.

Please, Max,

I promised that

you'd be there.

I am the assistant

general manager

of the varsity.

Think of my reputation.

Wait. What are

"Bath-maticians"?

Uh, Camp Bloodbath fans.

It's kind of our

awesome nickname.

Did you know that a nickname

immediately becomes uncool

when you give it

to yourself?

You know what, Gertie?

When my dad told me that I was

going to get a sister, I cried

because that's all

I'd ever wanted.

But not like this.

Not like this.

Don't.

Look, Camp Bloodbath

is like the granddaddy

of all campsite

slasher films, okay.

Amazing production design,

insane music,

over-the-top acting.

It's a cult classic.

Max's mom plays Nancy,

this sort of

shy girl-next-door

who gives up her butterfly

to some dumb jock,

and Billy Murphy

comes along

and chops her ass up

on a waterbed.

Sorry, Duncan.

Tell your cult, maybe

I'll see them next year.

I'll do all your

Classics assignments

for the rest of the year.

Papers, your homework,

all of it.

Gertie told me that

you were failing.

Please, Max, what do you say?

You wanna graduate, or not?

Max!

Gertie!

Oh, you scared me.

Well, this will

be fun, huh?

Being trapped in

a movie theater

with a bunch of nerds.

Yeah, sure.

You know what

was fun, though?

Watching Chris today,

ogle over you.

Shut up.

What? That's a word,

right? Ogle?

He likes you so much,

it's so cute.

Gertie. Get real.

He's like a giant, okay?

So, imagine us together.

I'd need stilts

to kiss him.

Hey!

Hey!

Hi.

What are you

doing here?

I figured you needed

some, uh, moral support.

Why, should I go?

Because I can if

this is weird...

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