The Entertainer Page #2

for us to get out of it.

I'm sorry.

- I'm so tired.

- (whispers) I know. I'm sorry.

Don't be.

Take me to bed.

I'm all right, Granddad.

I feel better now I've talked about it.

You always liked coming to see me.

You were a pretty little thing.

Not that looks are everything.

You don't look at the mantelpiece

when you poke the fire.

Archie always saw

you were nicely turned out.

He was a smart little boy himself.

Used to dress 'em in sailor suits then.

- Funny how they all turn out.

- How is Dad?

He's a fool. Raising money for another

show when he hasn't enough for this one.

- What's this one like?

- I don't know. I haven't seen it.

They don't want human beings any more.

You're a lovely lot tonight.

I've played in front of them all, you know.

The Queen, the Duke of Edinburgh,

the Prince of Wales...

- What's that other pub?

- (faint titters)

That went better at first house.

What about these crooners?

I don't know what they're coming to.

Look at the stuff they sing.

"The Darktown Strutters' Ball".

"The Basin Street Ball".

"The Woodchoppers' Ball".

It's a lot of... rubbish, isn't it?

- He's a bit suggestive, isn't he?

- Now I'm going to sing you a little song.

A little song written by Rimsky-Nastikov.

It's entitled "The Church Bell Won't Ring

Tonight as the Vicar's got the Clapper."

Hide your face, Mum,

the girls have got me

I shan't be home for an hour or two

I've got all sorts of nice things to do

They've got me worked up

in such a state

So hide your face, Mum,

cos I can't hardly wait

So hide your face, Mum,

the girls have got me

The girls, the glamorous gorgeous girls,

have got me

All right, Nicky?

- Hey.

- Take her up.

- Jean!

- Hello, Frank.

Nice to see you, love.

- Got a holiday?

- Sort of. I've just seen Granddad.

Dad's on.

As you may possibly have guessed.

- He'll be off in a minute, though.

- OK.

But it's when she'd gone and left me

That I started to say good night

(thin applause)

- Can't be anyone in front tonight.

- Look who's here.

Hello, Jean!

This is nice.

I haven't got my glasses on.

I know. You thought I was

the income tax man.

- All right, are you?

- Fine.

Hide your face, Mum,

the girls have got him

He won't be home for an hour or two

He's got all sorts of nice things to do

They've got him

worked up in such a state

Hide your face, Mum

The girls, the glamorous gorgeous girls,

have got him now

(applause)

(applause peters out)

- How's it going?

- First house about 60 sad little drabs.

- Tonight about 200 sad little drabs.

- Excuse me.

Frank! I'd like to see you.

If we go on next week, it will be by very

reluctant agreement of 20 angry people.

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