The DUFF Page #4

You know my boy A.J.,

freshman on the football team?

We're in chemistry together.

Now he's doing the second most

important job a DUFF can do,

acting as, like, the gatekeeper

to their better-looking friends.

The guy with the info people go to

before they make their move.

- Watch, watch.

- Is it true Wes is single?

Sure is, yeah.

Got it. Thanks, A.J. You're sweet.

- Hi.

- Hey, Wes.

See? She gets her info,

he gets to talk to a hot senior.

Even got a little action.

I didn't have to do anything.

It's kind of like us right now.

Excuse me, that is not

like us right now.

B, on an average day,

how many guys ask you questions

about Jess and Casey?

- I don't know. It's a fair amount.

- Okay.

On an average day, how many guys

ask you questions about you?

See? You friended up, okay?

Good for you. Good talk.

You know what? Get back out there.

Have some...

Hey, what the hell was that for?

Stupid Wes.

It's not even...

Really?

Oh, God.

I am the DUFF.

Impress me to get to my friends.

I am the gatekeeper.

I'm not the DUFF.

Hey, Duffy.

Shouldn't you be working with a partner?

Shouldn't you be working at all?

Lab partner's got this.

Oh, boy. Clearly.

Bill Nye over there looks like

she's about to drink that acid.

I work alone.

- Take a hint.

- Why are you so grumpy?

You know, I should be mad at you.

You ruined my favorite shirt.

You called me fat and ugly, Wesley.

What? No, I didn't.

I called you the DUFF.

Yeah, excuse me.

It's just that stands for

Designated Ugly Fat Friend, dick face.

You can't take it literally, okay?

I mean, the DUFF doesn't

actually have to be fat or ugly.

You know, like Tony Romo,

he's a Dallas Cowboy.

It's not like he rides a horse, right?

I have no idea

what the hell you're talking about.

I'm just saying, I would never

call anyone fat or ugly.

Okay? That's messed up.

But it's the word and it stuck.

It's a catchall.

Oh, my God. Get out of here

before I murder you.

- Are you kidding? Okay.

- I'll murder you.

B, where the hell'd you go?

Home. Wasn't feeling good.

Oh, well, you didn't really miss much.

Yeah, except Jess making out

with Ryan Jensen,

the cops busting up the party,

and, like, everyone TP'ing

Rebecca Cutter's house.

She's right, it was pretty awesome.

Hello? Are you okay?

Yeah, just get the food.

- Hey there, Jess and Casey.

- Hey.

Hey, Elaine.

Hey, you.

Hey, Jeffrey.

It was becoming harder and harder

to deny the truth.

- Without Jess and Casey...

- Hey, Jess, Casey.

Hey, Principal Buchanon.

...I ceased to be.

Girls, party at my place.

Hey, Jess. Hey, Casey.

Holy sh*t, I was the DUFF.

Jess and Casey. Jess and Casey.

Jess and Casey.

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