The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie! Page #3

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She's my girlfriend.

Molly, is it ok if l call you my girlfriend?

l know l probably

should have asked you first.

How did we meet, you ask?

Well, it's a tale as old as time.

Molly was being held against her will

by the evil legion of immediate

family mourners of doom!

(GASPS)

Back, you putrid, perverse purveyors of evil!

(ALL CRYlNG)

Captain Hero is here!

What? No, ma'am.

You don't need to repay me.

My reward is your safety.

A hand job, you say?

Well, l guess l do deserve one.

You're different from the others, aren't you?

Huzzah!

Ok, busted. We met on J-Date.

(SLURPlNG)

Hero, l can't believe you're doing this to me.

You're turning our guys' night

into a guys' nightmare!

How dare you! How dare all of you!

lf you can't deal with me being happy,

then you're not really my friends!

Come on, Molly, let's get out of here!

(CRYlNG)

(CRACK)

And so the Foxxy set off to solve the mystery

of why the f*** we wasn't censored no more.

And to prove to these

a**holes that l was a

serious

mystery solver.

And then, l made the most shocking

discovery of all that explained everything.

(GASPS)

(DRAMATlC MUSlC PLAYlNG)

Oh, Lordy!

Guys, l solved a mystery.

The only mystery you've ever solved

is the mystery of the empty uterus.

(LAUGHTER)

lf that's true, then how did l found out that

the Drawn Together had been canceled?

(DRAMATlC MUSlC PLAYlNG)

C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-

c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-

c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-

c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-canceled?

-That's ridiculous!

-Girl, you crazy.

-Poppycock!

-Oh, really?

Then why can l say,

"You can all f*** my titties

"with your sh*t-covered c*cks,

you come-guzzling faggots!"

without being beeped?

(DRAMATlC MUSlC PLAYlNG)

Yeah! How the f*** is...

Whoa! l just said, "f***!"

F***! Oh, well, l'll be darned.

Dick-gobbling, blood-soaked,

ass-eating turd taster!

Whoo-hoo! This is fun!

Guys, we are not canceled.

This is Foxxy we're dealing with, remember?

The worst mystery solver of all time.

Every time she tries to solve a mystery,

someone ends up dead!

F*** you, Clara.

Don't talk to me like that, Jemima-head.

l am a princess.

Oh, yeah? Well, if you a princess,

then why you got this chair in your face?

Ta-dow!

(ALL YELLlNG)

We can't be canceled. We just can't.

Can we?

(YELLlNG CONTlNUES)

(GROANlNG)

(GROANlNG CONTlNUES)

Searching...

(GROANlNG)

(MOANlNG)

(SCREAMlNG)

Tomorrow, l need you to run downtown

and pick up a new pair of horn sharpeners.

Yes, dear.

Hey, after that, Jew Dad,

can we play a little catch?

Of course, Jew Son. Gosh, l love you.

l don't know what l'd do

if anything would happen to you.

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