The Dog Problem Page #3

Everybody wants them

when I'm done, b*tch.

Hey, can you stop calling me b*tch?

- Whoa!

- Yeah.

No, it's just I have a name.

Yeah, but pal... pal...

- She's not... she doesn't mean it...

- No, I know.

- ... like, "Hey, what's up, b*tch?"

- I know.

- Or, "Where's my money, b*tch?"

- I know.

You know what I mean?

It's like, you know...

- What's it like?

- I don't know.

Endearing.

Okay, well, my name is Solo.

Just in case...

Like Han Solo.

Not, not like Han Solo.

Just like Solo.

Where's the dog, Solo?

Uh, he's at home.

- What do you mean?

- Well, we did make an error.

We didn't bring her.

- Him.

- Him.

Why not?

- Well...

- Well, I... I don't know.

I just figured, you know,

I didn't want to bring him out

of the house for no reason.

I figured you'd have some questions.

Is he cute?

Yeah.

I think so. Yeah.

Maybe not cute so much.

Well...

What does he go with?

What?

Colours.

You... you mean what colour is he?

Yeah, sure.

Did you just ask,

"What does he go with"?

I think so.

I'll be in the car.

One second... pal.

Pal.

I don't know, man.

It just doesn't seem right.

You know, life is a delicate negotiation.

Do you understand that?

So...

What do you want to do?

I mean, seriously, what do you want to do?

All right.

Seriously, what do you want to do?

You want...

you want to give this thing a shot or what?

You... or do you want to end

up in some rich lady's house

with a bunch of other spoiled little dogs?

'Cause, you know, I mean,

if that's what you want, I...

I got you, you know.

I mean, you know,

do you want to sh*t the house

or do you want to let me love you?

Do you want to let me

learn how to love you

or do you want to sh*t the house?

Do you want to sh*t the house?

Do you want to nibble on sneakers?

I got the place for you.

You know what I'm saying?

You're a dog.

Yo, fucko!

Shh!

- Shh!

- Open the door!

Oh...

What the f*** is that?

Thanks a lot, a**hole.

Ow! F***!

You know, Benny,

I really don't think it's appropriate,

you showing up at my house in

the middle of the night like this.

Shut the f*** up.

Okay, I just wanted to say it

just to keep my side of the street clean.

Can I ask you a question?

- What?

- Who's that?

That's Frank.

Oh, uh, Frank,

can I help you with anything?

Don't talk to Frank, all right.

Frank doesn't even speak English, okay?

Frank doesn't speak English?

Yeah, Frank...

Who else would I be talking about?

Well, I don't know.

Frank just seems

like a very common American name.

Oh, yeah.

Where's he from?

Ireland.

Frank?

Benny, can you just tell

him not to drink that...

- 'Cause it's my last one...

- Well, what is it?

Well, it's just a Snapple,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes