The Dick & Paula Celebrity Special Page #2

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but with a personal crisis.

- Who would I play?

- One of the guards.

It needs a rewrite, with

a feminist statement.

I know you're politically active...

and I think it could

work so well.

I've been working

on it for a year...

and I can't progress

unless a star is involved.

And someone like you, it'd be...

Have you given it to

any actors?

Yeah, but their agents reject

it before they see it...

because I have no track

record as a screenwriter...

although the script gets a

terrific reaction.

- Let me think about it.

- Really?

Great, because I don't want to...

- But I think you'd enjoy it.

- Let me think about it.

Sure.

He's coming!

Come this way!

Come this way, everyone!

It's him. Come on.

We watch you every

Sunday on TV!

We wouldn't miss it

for the world!

Good to see you.

- Will you stay long?

- As long as I can.

Father Gladden is

our guest, from the TV.

Father, my daughter got a prize

at school for charity work.

She'd love to have

your autograph.

Entrance into the

Kingdom of God...

is determined by our response

to the neighbour in need.

I don't know what I'm doing here.

Relax, I was the

same at first.

My room's so spare.

And with a Bible!

And the water comes out brown.

I told the handyman. Really,

I know what you're going through.

When my husband went off

with his secretary, I was lost.

Someone said,

"You were raised a Catholic.

How could you consider a hit man?"

And I heard about this retreat.

- But I'm not religious.

- Nor am I.

My life, religious? I've had

two divorces and two abortions.

But to take a break from

the chaos of the city...

No, no, no.

The water comes out

brown in my room.

And the bed's hard.

You've had a trauma.

No therapy, no pills...

what you need is peace and quiet.

Your emotions

have to settle.

I couldn't go back

to teaching again.

Simplify.

Who's more popular,

the Pope or Elvis?

- I don't think there's any doubt...

- Elvis!

Do you think that the Beatles,

at the height of their fame...

were bigger stars than Jesus?

- World population was smaller...

- Autograph, please?

The food's the worst.

What is this?

I don't know. Shoe leather?

You don't have to eat it.

I asked for it rare.

But you don't like meat.

I said "rare".

You heard me.

I told them twice.

"Not overdone."

Well, we're not

here to enjoy ourselves.

Eat it, or something else.

- The macaroni cheese is good.

- Would you like mine? It's rare.

- That's nice of you.

- Please!

You sure?

You see, I can't eat

steak that's not rare.

Doesn't that look nice!

I started as a hobby...

but I get so many orders now,

I can't make them quick enough.

All genuine ceramic.

And this rubber

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