The Curiosity of Chance Page #2

Deuce for instance,

being a corruption of 'deux',

meaning two consecutive exchanges

needed to win.

Now 'love' is either a vulgarisation

of the word 'l'oeuf'...

Please, your dorkiness

was already established with

the top-hat and cane.

Look,

Heretic can't see over

to this backstop.

Which means

I don't have to hit a stupid ball

against a wall for 45 minutes.

So fascinating!

Heretic?

Coach Hera.

The troglodyte

from sex-reassignment hell.

Really?

She was a he?

In actuality,

who the hell knows?

in my made-up reality,

yes!

I'm Chance.

Your reality just might fascinate me.

Twyla.

And your pasty-white legs

definitely repulse me.

If the shorts weren't so dark,

the contrast would be lessened.

Ergo, my legs would not appear

so falsely pale.

You don't have many friends,

do you Chance?

I just moved here.

So far, I hate it.

Not likely to change.

Chance Marquis,

please report to Administration.

Now.

Admin's that way...

Chance Marquis...

Vice Principal Ophelia Smelker.

As disturbing in-person as she

appears in her photos,

and quite possibly the most odorous human

I've ever encountered...

and not in a pleasing way.

Remove the hat, please.

Looking over your file here...

Transfer records, report cards,

personal items.

Why aren't you enrolled

in our mixed choir?

Uh, polyps.

I beg your pardon.

Polyps. On my vocal cords.

I can't sing until they heal.

What about surgery?

It's against our religion.

Which is...?

Not to be discussed.

Your permanent records show,

among other things,

instances of misbehavior,

insubordination and episodes of...

channelling deceased torch singers,

such as:
Rosemary Clooney, Dionne Warwick

and Ethel Merman.

Care to explain that one?

I'd rather not, it's personal.

And quite frankly,

I don't remember because

I'm not 'au courant' when it happens.

There's one thing you will have to explain:

your locker.

Destruction of school property

is a severe offense.

As it should be.

But my question to you would be this:

what branch of logic do you cleave to

that would explain why I

would destroy my own locker?

The first day of school

is often filled with rage...

especially for transfer students.

V-P Smelker runs a tight ship here

at Brickland High.

Her tolerance is low for wiseacres.

And even lower for weirdoes.

CAPEESH?!

I was unaware that overweight women from the

Eastern block used words like 'capeesh'.

Then Mrs. Zito split us into groups.

I'm in the 'Alligators' for math and science.

And where do the Alligators rank?

Starts with an 'A', Sir. Duh! Tippy-top.

Outstanding. Excellent!

What's that doing on the table?

Chance wore it to school today.

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