The Comedian

Synopsis: Jackie (Robert DeNiro) is a comic icon, attempting to reinvent himself despite his audience only wanting to know him as a television character he played earlier in his career. After accosting an audience member, Jackie is sentenced to community service where he meets Harmony Schiltz (Leslie Mann).
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Taylor Hackford
Production: Sony Pictures Classics
  1 win.
 
IMDB:
5.7
Metacritic:
40
Rotten Tomatoes:
24%
R
Year:
2016
120 min
$1,658,706
104 Views


I mean, even the Jewish kids

beat me up

with a name like that.

Uh, can I help you all

with something, huh? Huh?

What's going on here?

Bachelorette party!

Bachelorette party! Oh!

Eight girls sharing one brain.

Who's the lucky girl?

I am.

Don't look so happy, sweetheart.

Right now, your fianc's in a

strip club licking whipped cream

out of some girl's asshole.

Hey, come on, don't get sad.

I'm just breaking your balls.

You're getting married

to one dick

for the rest of your life.

What could be more exciting

than that?

Yay!

Oh, my God, Jackie.

You shouldn't do marriage jokes.

O.J. Simpson was

a better husband than you.

It's not about you, you selfish

bastard. It's about them.

Keep it light and fun

and positive.

Marriage will suck every speck

of life out of your soul

until there's nothing left

but one big, giant,

festering sore.

Good luck. Heh.

It's not just me. I don't think

humans were meant to be married.

I mean, you want a relationship?

Get a canary, get a fish.

Get a fucking chicken.

Get a dog.

A dog is always happy

to see you.

A dog doesn't judge you.

The dog is just there.

I'm late, my dog's like,

"Hey, Jackie, no big deal."

I forget to feed him, "It's

okay, Jackie. I'm a fat f*ck.

"I gotta lose some weight.

It's all right."

I come home smelling like pussy,

and he doesn't get mad.

He just wags his tail

and licks my fingers.

Enough of this "dog" shit!

Come on, do "Eddie."

Not now, pal, please.

Can you help me out?

Yeah. No. I didn't come here

to hear new shit.

- I came to see Eddie.

- Shut up.

Hey, Hodor, shouldn't you be

down at the playground

luring kids into

a windowless van?

Hodor!

Hey, I'm the audience.

You're here to entertain me.

You work for me.

Oh...

You hear that? I work for him.

All right, boss, how about you

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Art Linson

Art Linson (born 1942) is an American film producer, director and screenwriter.Linson was born in Chicago, Illinois. He did his undergraduate work at the University of California-Berkeley and graduated from the University of California, Los Angeles law school. Art Linson's producing credits range from such commercial and critical hits as The Untouchables, Heat, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Fight Club, and Scrooged, to unusual classics such as Melvin and Howard, The Edge, This Boy's Life and Into the Wild. Linson's producer/director collaborations include Brian De Palma, David Mamet and Cameron Crowe. His directorial debut was the 1980 comedy, Where the Buffalo Roam, which was loosely based on stories by Hunter S. Thompson and starred Bill Murray as the writer. His writing credits include two books, What Just Happened? Bitter Hollywood Tales from the Front Line, which was adapted into a film from his original screenplay What Just Happened and starred Robert De Niro, and A Pound of Flesh: Perilous Tales of How to Produce Movies in Hollywood. He is married to British actress Fiona Lewis. For television he is currently executive producer with his son John Linson on Sons of Anarchy. In 2016, Art produced and penned the movie The Comedian directed by Taylor Hackford. The film starred Robert De Niro and Leslie Mann. Also in 2016 Art produced The Outsider, a crime drama film directed by Martin Zandvliet and written by Andrew Baldwin. The film stars Oscar winner Jared Leto and Tadanobu Asano. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "The Comedian" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 13 Apr. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_comedian_19953>.

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