The Clapper Page #3

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hanging out with you people.

Oh, yeah. That's why I gotta

find a backup

before we're all dead

and clapping.

CHRIS:
No, I don't want

to be laughing and dead.

I don't even want to be

a part of that group.

That's not a thing.

You can't.

We ain't gonna make no money

laughing or dead.

ANNOUNCER:
From

Hollywood, California,

it's the Jayme Stillerman Show.

- [BEEP]

- IDA:
Eddie, it's your mother.

We saw you on the TV

talking about your juice thing.

I'll tell you what

I really think.

I think maybe you looked

not so good on it

- because the lights...

- [BEEP]

Ma, hi, it's me.

IDA:
We saw your show!

I keep telling ya, Ma,

these ain't my shows, okay?

- IDA:
What?

- It's two in the morning there.

Why are you calling me

right now?

How on Earth

do some of these ideas

ever make it on television?

At least I wonder that.

Take a look at this.

Okay, Gladys told you this?

How did Gladys tell you this?

She can't speak English.

It's a spoon, a fork and

collapsible plate all in one,

and you don't have to wait

for anything ever?

That's the best invention.

It's three-dimensional.

EDDIE:
Ma, the whole reason

I moved out here was to move on.

That's what I'm doing.

JAYME:
Where's De Niro?

Thanks, Ma, but I'm telling you,

these ain't my shows.

I just get paid to clap.

Sometimes I ask a few questions,

but I blend in.

That's what I do.

I blend in.

And the acting?

This guy's incredible.

I'm not depressed.

Take a look at this.

Words cannot describe this.

Are you trying to tell me,

for no money down,

I can buy a house?

JAYME:
Where's Scorsese

when you need him?

Ma, I gotta go.

And that mustache.

And then, as we're going

through the show,

my producers and I are thinking,

"Hey, doesn't this guy

look familiar?"

It delivers a little grip

without slip.

Grip with no slip!

Can we freeze on that

for a second?

And bring back

the previous one.

Put a mustache on

the clean-shaven one. Ta-da!

I don't know about you, Spider,

but I'm definitely seeing

a resemblance here.

As we're going through the

tapes, we keep seeing this guy.

Look, it's him.

That's him. And that's him.

In case you thought our

audience member skills

were limited,

he kicks butt too!

I mean, this guy's everywhere.

All right,

anybody with information

leading to the identification

of this person,

who we are officially

naming The Clapper,

please get in contact with us.

We need to know

who this man is,

and we need him on this show.

Spider, take us out.

[APPLAUSE]

If Louise

finds out about this,

she's never gonna let me

work again, you know?

She flips out if you wear

the same shirt twice.

You saw what she did

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